it’s the little things…

i made my bed… after stripping it, not having the energy to put fresh sheets on, and sleeping on top of the mattress underneath a blanket… it’s all made.  and now i get to mess it all up – because it’s time for bed.

there’s a song from Sesame Street (well, it’s from a Jim Henson cassette tape –remember those?– I received about 16 years ago) that i’d like to share with you...this song touches me, so here – now you can listen…

I believe in (Little Things)

I believe in little things

That you can hardly see

Like honeycomb and spider webs

And starfish in the sea

I believe in little things

Like icy drops of rain

That melt into the morning mist

When winds are warm again

I believe in little things

Like colors in the sky

And noticing the waves roll in

And how the flowers die

Knowing they’ll be back again

Whenever it’s July

I believe in little things

Like you and me

And just how big

Little things can be

sandpaper ‘n acrobatics

How is it that I can wake up in the morning, have plans to accomplish a reasonable amount of tasks during the day… and yet it’s 9:25pm and the bed isn’t made with fresh sheets?  The bed has been stripped… new sheets are next to the bed.  And yet, somehow, I think it’s too late – and would rather just throw my blankets on top of the bed and sleep with no sheets tonight.  (doesn’t help that my bed is very high, in the corner of the bedroom, so I have to do a bit of acrobatics to actually change the sheets – never mind.  It’s a long story).

Had two painters come give me estimates for painting 1/2 the basement and the wood panneling on the 2nd floor… needless to say, they came, looked, measured, and will call me ‘in a few days’ with an estimate for the work.  Ummmmm, methinks it’s going to be very $$.  and I may as well go ahead and do the work myself.  Which is fine, except I am a perfectionist… and I’d need to get all the things done before I could actually paint (including using sandpaper on the walls – which I feel would trigger my asthma, and would make me tired, thus making it almost impossible to complete the painting project).  Ugh.  I was doing pretty well with the whole get-house-ready-to-sell-and-apply-for-new-job-and-relocate-to-new-city-and-work-full-time-and-don’t-forget-to-do-all-the-regular-stuff-you-need-to-do-too…until the whole paining thing.  Blech.

Hope we’ll get a snow day this week – then maybe I could start painting and packing and organizing and sorting and tossing and donating and… oh no.  Now I’m getting overwhelmed.  Maybe I should just go to sleep…goodnight.

take care – be well, whenever you are.

~rain.

just took a deep breath

because the times, they are a-changin’

A friend recently told me that before you can make any changes, you need to put the X,Y,Z “into existence”.

So what does that mean? Putting-something-into-existence means this: before you can tackle a problem, you need to name it. Before you can achieve your goal, you need to identify it.

So before I can get a job in a new city & relocate, I need to make a list and start crossing things off my list.

So today that’s what I did… spent the day on the telephone, making calls, writing things down, writing notes, putting them in a more digital form by typing notes into Word documents inside a ‘job stuff’ folder… and asked my 2nd person for a letter of recommendation.  (also have a plan for the others – I think it’ll work!)

Things are rolling, and my time frame seems to have crept up rather quickly – much more fast than I originally thought. but it must be the right thing, because at this point I seem to be ok with things… just getting the few answers I needed today was a huge help in the right direction.  And President Obama’s stimulus package with the 8K housing credit for first-time buyers helps too (which is over @ end of April)

In other news, it’s 12:15am, my feet are freezing cold, and I cannot sleep. didn’t even nap today…so what’s up with my circadian rhythm? maybe I’m just excited. or relieved. or, perhaps, i just want to arrive at work totally dazed and confused..which will happen if i don’t get off this computer. I’m fully aware of sleepy hygiene recommendations: don’t turn on lights, don’t watch TV or use computer 1/2 hour before bedtime, go to sleep before 10pm so you don’t catch a second wind, tell your brain to stop thinking so you can get some shut eye…

I’ll work on it.

Until then, sleep well and enjoy your day/evening ahead!

p.s. why do boys/men sometimes lose brain cells and cease communications when it comes to me? they make me tired. and want to become a nun! (although i look dreadful in black. maybe i could start a new order of nuns…sporting greens & browns – and red!)

developments and …a list? yes, i *do* believe this could be considered a list!

An update on developments -

So as of today, I have planned to take off Wed from work so that I can begin making phone calls during the workday… phone calls to potential employers…for a new job sometime late summer/early fall?

Am waiting to get an update on the real estate market from an agent here – hope to gather information so that I can make a good decision about selling my current home.

Have  a list of whom I’ll request letters of recommendation.

Am mentally doing a great deal of thinking about things… am working on decluttering my  house (yes – still!) so that I can free some brain space… which will help me make lists and stay organized.

Need to schedule a trash-haul day when they’ll pick up big items (which will help me get rid of debris from my kitchen rehab project last year… there is a lot of stuff – like broken cabinets and drawers – in my garage…)

Am thankful to Facebook for reconnecting me with some special people from years ago…

Resume is complete – now need to get the cover letters written, contact potential employers, and begin filling out their online applications.  Or is it too early?  Yes, these questions need to be answered.

Also need to look at some of the storage options – how secure are they? temperature controlled?  I want to stay away from mildew and mold and yucky stuff like that… so that the only drama/trauma is the actual moving…not damage to my belongings while stored in storage.

Where will I live for short-term?  Need to look at apartments and options… and locations.

~~~~~~~~~~~Oooo – just because I was motivated, I just called a different real estate person and asked some questions (just now! while writing this post!) and she’s going to send some information over to me about the real estate activity… whew~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, well… now it’s time to go finish up in the kitchen.  Declutter.  So that my mind can declutter… who was it? Either Dith? or Lemly? or Burntsienna? said one time that clutter is an indication of a creative mind.

boy, am I creative.

oh – and as of yesterday…

yes, as of yesterday i had a wave of anxiety that rattled in my stomach as i realized just how much would change (and all there is to do) in such a short time frame.  but i really can’t stay – as there’s not much for me here.  and if i’m going to be alone, i may as well be in a city where i  have some history, right?  and it’s fun to re-invent one’s self and do something completely different… well, i could stay here and become a hermit.  actually, that sounds nice.  although it makes daily living tasks difficult were i to become a hermit (or at least that’s how i imagine it)

today?

…the plan du jour is this:

pack up boxes & furniture, hire a moving company (or rent a truck and drive myself), move into a storage unit many miles away, come back home, shine things up & paint & touch up and make things sparkly,put house on market, schedule job interviews, and then leave permanently… hope my house sells in a reasonable time, get a new job, start a new life, be happy with these decisions, and just look forward.

made a list of people whom i’ll ask for job recommendations.  now need to decide where i’ll apply, and start asking people for their support.  need to start keeping lists, too… need to find out when i need to let my current employer know, too.

in other news – my need to have a ‘plan’ is feeling radically out of control and i have no idea if i can/will let go of the wall and trust that it’s all going to work out… time will tell.  maybe it’s time to fly? (see below)

maybe things will seem easier tomorrow.  time for bed.  thanks for reading. . .  goodnight, whenever you are.

COME TO THE EDGE

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It’s too high!

Come to the edge.

And they came,

and we pushed,

And they flew.

—  Christopher Logue

more time

Yesterday’s workday was filled with ups and downs – intensity and levity… and I think this last part is pretty funny.  After arriving home at 4-ish I decided to take a wee nap (then wake up and do the 100 tasks that needed to be accomplished).  And, um, well… I woke up and the clock said 6:00.  I thought “great!  just need to make some dinner and then viola – can tackle my To Do list”

…unfortunately it’s 6:00 AM.

the next day has begun.

…and I haven’t yet finished the day before.

time is a funny thing.  so are naps.

time

Remember those old clock radios that had the numbers that flipped… you could hear them change minutes, especially at night?  My dad had one – on his bedside table.  It was always on – playing some sort of talk radio that I didn’t learn to appreciate until I was 20 (now I almost exclusively listen to NPR – national public radio – because I feel it gives more well-rounded local/national/world reports… but I digress).   So for Christmas he gave me one of those digital photo frames.  It’s wicked cool, and since I’ve never owned one before I had fun playing with it once finally  unpacked last night.  It even has a few fancy features…displays digital photographs, has a calendar display, AND it has a variety of clock displays – including the vintage number-flip display.  Mine is quieter than the ones they made in the 1970’s…however the LCD screen is pretty bright during the black nighttime, so it has its own drawbacks.  In other news, if you need a nightlight or way to orient yourself en route to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you could always use your new digital photo frame.

It’s funny, actually – watching the numbers flip.  Reminds me about how quickly time passes.  I have been thinking a great deal about the past 10 years of my life, and what I would like to make with the next decade… because, in all honesty, we only get one turn on this earth (well, depending on your religious beliefs, but let’s just go with my thought here) and I don’t want to wake up 12 years from now and wish I had made different choices.  No more wishing my life away… (isn’t there a line like that in The Princess Bride?)

While going through old files, I came across so many encouraging sayings/documents/quotes to keep me motivated and moving when I was in graduate school.  Things like:

• I have enough time to do what needs to be done today.
• Changes are difficult. It’s an uphill battle.  It’s difficult. You can do it! Changes are difficult, but you can do it.
• …Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

I still have a beautiful quote book – I used to write down the things I heard/read which impacted me in some way or made me think.   Unfortunately, I never wrote down who said what…on purpose…so it would be very difficult to publish or share publicly,  but maybe it would do some good for me to start writing in it again.  Maybe the “law of attraction” would enable me to hear/read more inspiring & thoughtful words.  And maybe it’s time I started living my life instead of existing and coping – feeling that my destiny was my job I’m rapidly losing interest in, in a city with people with whom I share no history, alone.  I’ve been so alone for so long – some by choice, other by circumstance… it’s time I had my friends – my good friends, with history – within a day’s driving distance.  Perhaps thinking about these things is making it very difficult to sleep…currently 2:46AM.

Overwhelmed?  Well, I’m feeling more calm about logistics working themselves out.  If worse comes to worse, it will only cost me a great deal of $$ to move (if I don’t yet have a job and need to put my furniture & belongings in storage).  Logistics, logistics, logistics…and taxes.  lol

I’m actually very excited – thinking about all of this time, and time passing…and making time count.   This weekend I made a near-final rough draft of my resume (and is currently in the hands of three trusted friends to give me constructive feedback – info add/delete? spelling? grammar? repeats?).  And I’m thinking of the kind of job I want to have.  And where I might wish to work… if the universe was open and I could create my dream job.  and life.

…carpe diem, right Captain?

trojan horses

…are on my new computer.

perhaps i should stop trying to watch current HBO series episodes “free” online.

….and patiently wait for them to be released via DVD.

(nothing is free – maybe the payment is hosting a few trojan horses!  ….apparently, they enjoy eating computers)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in other news, moving 900 miles does seem daunting at present.   logistical nightmare…as i want/need to sell my house.  and the housing market is not quite bottomed-out yet.  not too too worried about finding a job, but that’s there in the mix too.  if only it were simple.  and easy.  if i had my heart’s desire, i’d finish up the school year, pack up a few boxes, and move to the east coast over the summer, and start a new job in September. a bit too overwhelming to think about now… so I’ll just finish brushing my teeth and begin the workday.

just playing with chris’ new stats…

Country	Visitors
United Kingdom	29.86%
United States	22.01%
Unknown	19.62%
Australia	10.75%
USA	8.36%
Japan	3.75%
France	1.02%
Ireland	0.85%
India	0.51%
Romania	0.34%