where is my biological family?
where is my chosen family?
where are they?
i am right here…
i’m feeling very …um… isolated? no… alone? yes, more alone than isolated. spent most of the day with two friends, shopping, yesterday. one of whom has a husband, one of whom is being courted by a promising young man. and then there’s me.
i’m not feeling sorry for myself… just not being where i thought i’d be at 30. not in the his&hers club. but i am noticing that there’s no one to come home to… no one to laugh with (and i laugh a lot)… and there’s me, myself, and i to consult re: social calendar, plans, and decision making. i have room in my life for someone – yesterday i wanted to buy two stockings for the mantel, instead of just one for me. why? because i have hope. and when i moved into my new house, i didn’t want to hang up just one keyhook… i wanted a place for more than one set of keys… so i searched, and looked, and sought after the perfect key holder. why? because i have hope. hope that one day i can share my life with someone whom i adore… someone who appreciates & adores me, teaches me, and someone whom i love and loves me.
[*edit* unfortunately, i’ve felt the need to edit this post. searches on google.com have led here (not google.uk.com, but the one people in the States use) and, in the theme of being anonymous, i will edit my own post, so that i may feel free to express myself and thoughts here]
where is my biological family? i’m not as close to my siblings as i’d like to be… for a variety of reasons i won’t go into here. no one knows about this blog, but you never know if one day…
Where is my chosen family? it changes… i’ve worked so hard, creating my own little community, since i moved to this region [*edit*] several years ago. i have a few friends, from different social circles, and i’ve seen those relationships grow and change and shift… as we grow and become more ourselves – our needs change. our friendship needs change. our needs for each other change. and sometimes it’s sad, to know you’re no longer *needed* in someone’s life.
so, basically, i need to meet more people, develop more/new relationships… which takes a great deal of emotional energy.. and at this time, i’m not sure how much i can spare. not sure if i can rationalize spending such a precious resource on something which may or may not have an emotional return, if you will.
so where is my family? where are they? i’m right here…