Monthly Archives: December 2006

questions – some rhetorical, some not.

why is it that i’ve been checking email all day… in hopes of a response? why is it that i ‘want my life to start’ when i’ve accomplished so much already? why is it that i can’t celebrate where i am now, in my singleness, and embrase what life is offering me now… and i think about the future and hope for what’s in my heart? why is it that i may want something so much that i’ll settle for second best…? that i’ll put my dreams aside for something similar… not the same… not necessarly good enough… but close?

why is it that i’ve had tasks to do all weekend… and it’s 8:01pm and I have yet to accomplish the majority of them?

why do i rationalize putting something off…? is it because i so often perform very well under pressure? do i thrive on eustress?

i’ve been a little out of the wib-loop this week as i ponder things, wonder about my place in the world, etc. i think deciding not to join that church recently was a huge bummer… i just wanted it to work for me. but i believe getting more involved with the congregation and doing ‘stuff’ with them/volunteering will help. there was a void… i was hoping becoming a memeber woudl fill. i guess that’s the wrong reason for joining a chuch community, eh?

my sister called today to invite me to one of the children’s Christmas concerts – that was really nice. am looking forward to it… dark gym, lots of wiggly children, singing off-key… ah, memories. i also invited her familh over to my house next weekend for a gift exchange… after dinner, for dessert and presents. i think it will be a good night, at least i’m hopeful. i hope she doesn’t get upset about the items i was given from our grandmother’s house… but she has tons of stuff she was given over the years, so i hope it won’t be an issue. that’s the only down side to having family in town :)

i’m not sad… melancholy… or down. just not necessarily care-free… i donno… i’m not bummed about the holidays, or at least i don’t think so. perhaps i’m a bit off because of my father’s health, and i’m going out to visit them in two weeks. yes, that must be it. it will be hard – mom says he’s lost so much weight in the past few weeks… down to about a 1/3 of his origional size. it will be sad, i’m sure. but i also have hope – because he has regained his appetite, at least for a few days recently. that’s hopeful.

anyway, i’ve successfully procrastinated for the past 8 minutes, and it’s time to go accomplish something useful.

am having two old friends (whom i met through work) over for dinner tomorrow night… am planning to make a vegetable chicken dish in the crockpot [slow cooker] so it’ll be ready before i get home… some garlic bread… cucumber salad… and and some yummy brownies w/ vanilla ice cream. i’m hungry already.

but before that happens, i need to clean the bathroom, get some fresh guest towels, wet mop the floor to remove the footprint residue from the recent snow, tidy up the living room and dining room… and clean the kitchen (wash dishes, dry dishes, put dishes away, sweep floor… remove trash – you know, the full treatment!)

wish me luck – i may check in again to update…. it’s a nice kind of accountability…not weird, but very public – helps me stay focused on the current objective :)

hope you all have a good night…wherever you are.



*tap* *tap* *tap*

Is this thing on?

Testing… 1, 2, 3… echo — o — o… ha — ah! Whoa! — oa! Funny – nny to hear-ear yourself-elf ..err-rr, voice -ss reverberate-ate like this — hiss.
*giggle — iggle*

Ladies and Gentlemen! Girls and Boys of All Ages! The show is about to begin!


No, I haven’t been to the circus recently… nor have I been drinking, either. Just considering my intro… wanted to jazz it up a bit.


[am at a loss about what to blog at the moment… give it some time… something will come to me shortly, i just know it.]

loooooooooong, windey, weathery week

have a pizza in the oven, so this will be *brief*
(and if you believe that, i have some ocean front property in the middle of Arizona for sale…)

– job is crazy and hectic, but love it.
– people at job are crazy but love them.
– kitchen is crazy, but plan to clean.
– love my friends, plan to see some soon.
– thank goodness for snow days – wrapped packages… am finished. for now. until i see more sales. which is why i’m on ‘shopping probation’ so as to not acquire any additional presents. thus avoid having additional “wrapping needs”
– need to write boy back – am taking time (not a game, just wanted to give it undivided attention… and with crazy week, needed to wait until now)
– need to get new tires or have them inspected before traveling over the holiday
– but this isn’t a To Do list, so please disregard that last point.
– love my students
– made a new *crazy* schedule work… hopefully i won’t get additional students
– am planning to make materials this weekend…so i won’t act like a chicken with my head cut off on monday (one of the more *crazy* days re: new schedule)
– have about $150 in the bank to last for the next week… raman noodles and peanut butter sandwiches anyone? mmmmm, water.

ok! pizza is done! thank you for playing – you may now pass Go and collect… a high 5 :)

i smile when it rains

is this one of the presents someone sent me (as requested in my last comment?) if so – thak you :) i seem to be getting a lot of those types of hits recently… check out the google fishing billboard thingy, i posted some there.

so i’ve got a question… with the church i’ve been attending… i just had the last membership class. and after 9 weeks of 1&1/2 hour class… and meeting some nice people… and finding out more about the church… i’ve decided not to join at this time. i’ll still go, and i plan to get more involved, but membership does not have my name on it now. i’m kinda bummed… but it’s the right decision for me at this time. i think.

well, anyway, my question is this:
is it unusual at all for a church to have the intention to make membership difficult? i guess they don’t want people to take it lightly… and this church has grown so big so quickly… i understand their intent – they want to use mission to get people done… not people to get mission done.

more to it… i’ll blog more about this later – too tired now.

later ‘gator.

p.s. finally shoveled the rest of the thick ice off my front steps… the mailman should be very happy tomorrow.
p.p.s. went to the post office today over my lunch break – yae! gotta love stamps.
p.p.p.s. was 45 minutes late to work this morning due to traffic… don’t usually have traffic, but spoke with two dear coworkes via cell phone as we were all stuck in same traffic, just a few miles apart. had a ‘working conference’ with one of them.
p.p.p.p.s. they’re moving my father from the rehab center to a nursing home facility where he can get dialysis because he’s not strong enough for 3 hours of physical therapy per day… will he get stronger in a nursing home? will services be provided there? the reason he’s moving (third time since operation) is due to insurance. they won’t pay for him to stay there… so now he’s in an even less skilled facility…
p.p.p.p.p.s. so many P’s. i need a few more S’s here: so say supper sounds splendid Sunday! superb! special sauce? smashing.

Who needs TV…

When you can entertain yourself?

Went outside to hang holiday lights (see #10 in previous entry) and started at the other end, just so it could meet in the middle and viola! Task complete.

…however, rain failed to follow the male plug/female socket trail… you know, you can’t plug a plug into another plug… and two sockets just sit there and look at each other, end-to-end. No electricity. Darn – should have gotten gay lights.

Anyway… had to ‘undo’ several strands… so they could properly meet in the middle for said *electricity*…. the whole time muttering to myself about how smart I am sometimes… [sigh]

Am I being too pushy here? Really, it’s for my own personal entertainment… help a girl out who’s been home from work for days on end due to ice/snow, ‘k?

check the previous entry for additional updates… so far, so good :)

Top # List (of the “to do” nature)

1) go to sleep (it’s currently 4am my time) [UPDATE – DONE]
2) wake at a reasonable hour to accomplish the following: [UPDATE – DONE]
3) pick up clean, un-moldy handmade rugs I took to the specialists after the ‘water in the basement’ incident [UPDATE – DONE]

4) return items at craft store… reimburse my credit card? No – get a gift card (yippee!!!!!!) [UPDATE – DONE]
5) go to lung doctor (actually, she’s an asthma/allergy specialist… but it’s more dramatic to say ‘lung doctor’) [UPDATE – DONE]
6) pack gifts to send to friends/family [UPDATE – DONE]
7) take box to Post Office (see #6) [UPDATE – almost DONE…heading to post office soon…whoops! am back again – got there too late, was unable to mail package… hopefully tomorrow] [2nd UPDATE – DONE]
8) clean kitchen. seriously. [UPDATE – DONE]
9) start the holiday baking? pumpkin bread loaves. that’s this year’s gift. get some bags to wrap/store them in once ready… then slip into freezer until it’s time [UPDATE – DONE]
10) hang white Christmastree lights outside (well, hang more – there’s currently one strand up, but it looks kinda hokey… must hang more) [UPDATE – DONE hahaha…DONE…hahaha… ]
12) bleach part of the basement that may still have mold (see #3)
13) laundry
14) fold laundry
15) bring laundry upstairs
16) decide where to put laundry… can try some temporary locations until i figure out which drawer works best for which sorts of clothes… although it’s really a process…must do #13, then #14, then #15 before I can even approach #16. is it futile? perhaps. i’ve lived here since late July.
17) Christmas cards? well, for staff yes. [UPDATE – DONE]
18) and then, after I’ve accomplished all of the above, and just for grins, i might go to the pottery studio and finish up a few ornaments. who knows?
19) go to recycle center – take the stuff from my garage… kitchen… get it out of here!
20) take out trash [UPDATE – DONE]
21) before doing #20, empty refrigerator…you know, like say goodbye to the turkey from Thanksgiving over a week ago. All together now: “Goodbye” [UPDATE – DONE]
22) #22 relates to #6 & #7. My younger brother’s birthday is in eary Janurary. He always gets *jipped* w/ combo Christmas-Birthday presents… so I was thinking of sending his now… as a surprise. The only problem i see with that is he will have fewer gifts to open on his actual day… and I’d hate to contribute to a let-down. Especially on such a special day. should i? or shouldn’t i? the gifts are already wrapped… just need to be stuck inside a box and added to pile for #7.
[UPDATE – he lives in Queens, NY… said to bring them at Christmas – his Post Office is terrible, and his neighbors steal packages. Good enough for me, his present will be personally delivered at-a-later-date …DONE]
23) are you still with me? Let’s play Monopoly – you may now pass Go and collect $200.
24) methinks crossing #1 off of my list will make rain a bit less punchy… and hopefully i’ll start making more sense… i mean, ‘cuz now i’m juosa a;lisdf dklfuavn asd;fi z zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z z z z z z ‘ . . zzzzzzzzz.

snow day #3

it’s been a long week of not working, which is fine in some respects… sometimes it’s nice to have an impromptu day off here or there.

but the fact is i had left some student files, lesson plans, and administrative paperwork on my desk to do first thing Thursday morning… Thursday was cancelled due to ice/snow… and so i’m even further behind on my work.

it’s not necessarily that i have ‘cabin fever’ at this time… it’s more that i want to do my job well, be productive, and turn things in on time. call me crazy – i enjoy doing my job to the best of my ability. this week mother nature weaved her tricky magic… and thus, one more day at home.

although, i’m thinking i’ll make phone calls, do errands, and wrap up a few more odds/ends.

Thursday and Friday were highly UNPRODUCTIVE days (and no, i did not surf the net or comment on blogs or have any other presence online, check my email every 30 minutes – both addresses – or do any holiday shopping online, thank you very much) so i’m hoping i can kick myself in the b-u-t-t tomorrow and really get a few thigns accomplished… like my gas grill!!!! Just joshing there – it probably won’t happen for a while yet… although give a girl another snow day, and she might just do it!

In other news, I spoke to my father today… he sounds much, Much, MUCH better than he has in the past few phone calls… he has a small appetite, his voice sounded strong, and apparently he’s had a stronger resolve today. He mentioned that he won’t refuse the Physical Therapist next time they come, and if something is too hard for him, Dad said he will ask for help (instead of shutting down). I hope it lasts. Mom noticed his improved mood, and suggested he talk to one of the kids… he chose me. that makes me feel good. (note: the phone call was about 1 1/2 minutes, but that’s very long for him)

In still other news, my friends had a semi-intervention for me last night. We had a lovely dinner (meatloaf, potatoes, corn, salad, homemade bread), talked a lot, moved into the living room… i was trying to make a pointy end on a candy cane (but me, i always bite it before it can actually get there, so in essence the attempt was futile, however i was trying), and A said “we need to talk to you about something”.

my heart stopped – i got very worried – wondering what i could have done wrong… scrolling through the past conversations in my head… what’s the problem?

apparently when we were shopping last weekend I was upset and said something about being afraid of “melting into nothingness”. the reason i say *apparently* is because I don’t recall the context, or actually saying it, although it must have been in context of whatever we were talking about. …did a search in my email, and didn’t find anything there.

Anyway, they were concerned about me – and they have nothing to be concerned about – i would never do anything harmful, but apparently they were worried. I think that comment (melt into nothingness) was a reflection on having so much on my plate, that i was afraid of losing myself… my person… not feeling free to embrase my personality and let it shine… feeling burdened… you know, we’ve all been there.

Recently told someone that I feel like i have my groove back at work – it was missing for a while… but now it’s back.

Perhaps losing my ‘groove’ at work, commenting on ‘melting into nothingness’, and feeling very overwhelmed in the Life Plate Department caused my friends to be concerned.

I’ve never been the recipient of an intervention before… not sure if that’s entirely the purpose of our get-together… but it helps me know that they both value my friendship, which is a blessing. I will be more careful about what i say, perhaps keep more metaphorical expressions to myself… i think in analolgies, metaphores… it helps me express myself and make sense of the world. I wish they had addressed it with me when it came up… we could have clarified earlier.

Well, since there’s no work tomorrow, I might just stay up and wrap more presents, pack a few boxes that are en route to friends for the holidays… and even go to the post office! Whooo-hoo! Productive City! …well, at least let me see the city’s pearly gates… perhaps they’ll inspire me :)

p.s. Let’s all keep playing…I’m really enjoying the game thus far :) **tee-hee** :D


so in lieu of a sermon today, we watched an interview with Bono from U2. they’ve (the church) never done anything like that before, and probably won’t ever again. but it was very powerful. not sure who conducted the interview (which organization), but it was well done nonetheless.

i knew he was a strong component of LiveAid and Live8, but had no idea about how he uses his celebrity as currancy to influence world change re: our word’s poor and vulnerable.

they mentioned, and i have yet to explore the website.

the church i’m currently attending has a heart for the poor, lots of ministries… but since i’m not a member, and haven’t attended consistently for quite some time, i’m also out of the loop. but i like what i’ve seen.

it’s a church i’ve gone back to, in a variety of ways it feeds me… and i’m starting to meet people – honestly, i have so much to contribute to a church congregation… but not right now. at this moment i need to receive, to rest. but hope that someday i can give in a way that does not deplete me…and i’m just talking about me here. i guess that’s what a blog is, eh?

anyway, i had no idea how Bono has used his success… after today, i can compare him to Oprah* in how they both are using their celebrity to impact world change… they’re doing what they can, as they can, and encouraing others to do what they can as well.

‘there are many people in poverty… on the other side of the world. but, the thing is, they don’t have to be.’ that really hit me today. parts of the ‘sermon’ made me uncomfortable – which is probably why i went directly to the store to purchase items to donate to my church’s “An Affordable Christmas”. here’s an exerpt from the program filer:
[…will be hosing “An Affordable Christmas” for 200 low-income parents through an approach that promotes empowerment. We will give parents and opportunity to shop for toys for their children for a minimal fee and purchase an uncooked Christmas dinner. Items for the dinner will be provided, such that they can prepare the meal for their family]

Wibbers – please tell me more about Bono, or direct me to articles or whatever you have to offer – i’d like to know more. thanks :)

*Oprah is a talk show host who has risen up from poverty and abuse to have a very successful career, influencing people, impacting change… recently she has done Christmas in Africa… she is opening up a school in Africa for girls – she is using her celebrity and her influential power for good.