Monthly Archives: August 2007

**update**

went to gym
also to grocery store
saw two movies (different days – Becoming Jane and Superbad…radically different in both presentation and audience makeup)
purchased baby shower gift
got photo id taken for work
went shopping for new glasses – have a few ideas, hopefully decide by tuesday.

now – I have not decluttered my office. nor have i put Old English on the antique desk. i feel like a failure. …which is probably why i’ve looked at my calendar and plugged in when i’ll accomplish other things on my List Of Things To Do during the upcoming week.

figured out that i don’t *have* to leave home today. so i can stay in my pj’s and cross things off my list. which means no napping, loud music mandatory, as is limited computer time. which is probably why i’m posting at the moment. i’m often absent from the wib when i feel like i don’t have much to contribute. low self esteem? no…i just know my readership, and it’s best if my posts are interesting (usually get more comments that way)

Note: discovered that i accomplish more when *not* playing scrabble. when i really want to procrastinate, i can “join a game” or “host a table” and play in real time with some random person… or play solitaire – with or without a robot. (the robot games are beyond my league).
HEY! know how it’s hard to get to the main scrabble page? well… if you click on scrabulous in your applications menu, it takes you right there. very important for when you’re playing in real time with random people (or non-random people, for that matter).

re: above Note, i’ve discovered i need to get a life.

SNOW DAY in 105 degree fahrenheit weather:

yes, ladies and gentlemen… i am not working tomorrow or friday because: it is too hot.

so the school district decided to use our two planned make-up snow days in April… so now we have the April days as student attendance days… and staff & students can stay home during this very hot weather.

my list of things to do on my August snow day includes:
– go to gym
– go to grocery store
– go to movie theater (see SuperBad the movie)
– declutter office
– put Old English on grandfather’s desk he made for mother which is now in my care (no pressure)
– go to store, purchase baby shower gift for friend who is having a baby shower for her soon-to-arrive baby
– if i feel like it (and i look pretty) get my photo taken at the administration building for a new photo employee badge.

i will be pleased if i can accomplish some of the above tomorrow – i say *some* because it’s so hot, things generally move more slowly. like molasses.

sleep baby sleep

…like an idiot, i took a nap late this afternoon – succumbed to a nap, actually. it was drifting near, oh so near, and i just had to have it.

so now it’s the middle of the night, i can’t sleep, and i’m totally enjoying a borrowed library book.

and the alarm is set to go off at 5:50am (not that i’ll actually get up then, but surely i’ll be up & walking by 6:15)

what a way to start the day, eh?

today, a little before now

in lieu of posting regurgitated versions of some most recent posts, i will tell you a joke.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Librarian to college football player: “May I help you?”

“I have to read a play by Shakespeare.”

“Which one?”

“William.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(sigh) it’s been one of those days. hope you’re doing well, wherever you are on this green & blue earth.

metacognition

thinking about thinking… i’m reading a book entitled Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, and it’s very good. if you like psychology and reason…and are interested in understanding the world in a different way, i’d recommend it. (actually validates me, too – and i’m going to trust my gut more often and resist second-guessing myself… i have a very good instinct — thin-slicing — it’s time i relied on it)

i have a lot of stuff going on in my head at the moment… several different topics on different channels, if you will (playing at the same time!) …so, gentle reader, to share them all here, now, has the potential to be a very long blog posting.

so, brothers & sisters, in order to spare you the details, here’s an abbreviated version:

1) there are too many plastic bags in my life. i have/am taking action to decrease the amount of said bags in my daily life. too much refuse is created by one little person… multiply that by all the people, then we’ve got a problem – long term. but then i think about how the world was created, and all man-made things are created from some form of organic material… earth to earth, etc. we each need to care – and we have so far to go in order to make a change… but just one person can start. two people? even better. So i’ve just been thinking about that – what i can do within my life to help the overall cause.

2) pondering the water supply, am curious about “worst case scenario” suggestions re: how to find drinking water should public water become unavailable. obvious suggestions are: toilet tank, water heater, automobile, collecting rainwater… but other than that, i have no idea. i truly am blessed to live in a place where fresh, clean, abundant water is not a daily struggle.

3) how long will my car last… especially if i put $200 into it here and there. and when it dies (hopefully years from now) i hope to purchase a used car. why did i insist in buying a new car a few years ago? stupid, i say.

4) related to #3, what happened to electric cars – the rage of the 90’s?!?!?!? seriously – they were the wave of the future. what role did oil companies and big government play, and why? do other countries have electric cars standard on their roads?

5) how in the world can a man have no clue when a woman isn’t interested? and, in this day and age, when she gracefully tells him “thanks but i’m not interested in anything further” how does he not understand the message? and what’s wrong with this guy if he returns – glutton for punishment?

6) now that i’ve seriously thought about relocating in a few years’ time, i realize just how blessed i am to *live where i live *have the friends that i have *work in the job in which i work *have the neighbors that i have *and the knowledge of the growth i’ve made since moving here seven years ago. i’ve grown up here. doesn’t mean i need to stay here forever, but it’s been a good time. but perhaps there’s something more…? that’s for me to find out.

7) i will be approaching this next year at work as a game: can i stay positive and have a life and do my job well without losing sanity? it’s a challenge. i like challenges.

8) i joined a gym, my first day (orientation) is tomorrow… just signed up. have been doing ongoing research, and now it’s just time to jump in with both feet – and just start. do it. now.

9) so far i’m 2:2 for packing a nice, healthy lunch for work. it makes me feel good, i’m being proactive, and i safe time…and it allows me to eat with my coworkers – good conversation instead of waiting in line at the nearby sandwich shop.

and

10) honestly, my mind’s attention can only decipher channels 1 – 9, but i thought the list should have ten items. thus it seems like an appropriate means to close this list.

gosh, look at the time

do the friends from Oz and UK (and other global points) participate in daylight savings? the reason i ask is because it’s currently 8:30pm my time, and it’s still daylight out. pretty neat.

i’m feeling a bit better than i did last time… i’ve appreciated your encouragement. i’ll fill you in a bit later about what else i’m thinking. at the moment i’m waiting for the buzzer to tell me dinner is ready. (yes, this is a bit late to be eating dinner, but i thought a little something now would be better than nothing until tomorrow, which seems a very long time away according to my stomach clock.)

hired a body shop to do a bit of magic on my car – no more “welcome to new york” message scratched into the paint.

mowed the lawn before it got too hot… and my plants are coming back alive after i left them for nearly 3 weeks. this “frequent watering” thing seems to do the trick.

times of change

a few weeks after i turned 30 last year, i experienced a wave of funk. not happy, not depressed, just kindof… sad. i remember it being a difficult time. (actually, i think during this time nessa suggested i might want to join this community – i had never blogged before, but was curious about the culture. needless to say, you’ve each been a huge blessing to me)

but then i got through it… experienced a year with lots of highlights and some low ones, too. (this past year was incredibly stressful…)

i thought this year would be different – i’ve accomplished so much, and “things” are going well. overall, on paper, i’m very happy.

but i have a similar sadness again. my mother told me she would always cry on her birthday because she was “waiting for her life to start” …so am i sad because i’m not where i thought i’d be by the time i was 31?

i have a house, a great job, dear friends (most of whom, unfortunately, are not *near*), i have good communication skills, i’m humble (just kidding), but…. overall things look great! so why am i sad?

how is it that i’m lonely, when i’m the one in control of who i see/what i do on a regular basis?

just today i invited several friends over for lunch. not all of them knew each other, so there were a few “mixing of the friends” and world collision moments.. it was nice, they were here – i SO enjoy having my home filled with family and friends and children. i had that great time today… so why am i so sad now?

i guess part of it may be due the fact that they left – they’re gone. the house is empty. there’s no one here but me. and i need a hug. yet i’m alone… i never thought i’d be 31 and not be a wife or significant other of someone special. where is he?! what am i doing? how is it working out like this…? what can i do? i have so much in my heart to give, and no one’s taking. which floors me, because i feel i have so much to offer, and could be such a blessing… yes, i have flaws – who doesn’t? yes, each experience makes me a better and stronger person, helps me grow. well i have news: i am sooooooooo tall. i’m ready… at least i think i am. and if i’m not, i hope to get there soon…. because i can’t keep being so strong all the time. it’s just me, myself, and i… and i’m strong because i have to be… but i’m so looking forward to the day when i can share some of the joys and responsibilities and challenges and excitements – life is sticky. it can be messy. but a healthy dose of humor, with lots of respect added to a foundation of friendship will just add so much. and i’m fully aware it will bring its own issues… but life is what you make it.

i’ve recently considered relocating – moving back to where i grew up, nearly 900 miles away. my parents are there, old dear friends are there… mountains and beaches and a “welcome home” feeling. not right away – but within the next two years. give myself one more year here… then start looking for a new job. (i looked up houses for sale in my price range – there are very few, and they’re not very nice… so if i move to a new real estate market, i need to be prepared for significant changes in what i can afford. yet i bought my current house with thoughts of a husband and children – there are 4 bedrooms, an almost finished basement, a back yard with just enough room for a swing – definitely room to ride a bike in the driveway, it has great schools….so what: uproot myself from this so i can have more of the same someplace new? is a geographic shift a solution to the sadness? perhaps… but perhaps not) i have been thinking “what am i doing?!” where am i headed? with each choice and decision i make, am i setting myself further and further apart from my heart’s desire? i’m not getting what i need… and i don’t know who or how to ask.

i’m an east coast girl, with an east coast perspective, in the middle of the mid-west. very incongruent. is this my home? is this a temporary life station? am i the only crew member, or will we be adding in the future…? i don’t know why G-d would give me this heart and personality if he designed me to be a childless singleton. i’ve considered being a single parent, but that has both benefits and drawbacks. and i want know that i’m ready before taking that leap… and want to make sure i’m being as fair as possible to any child i bring into my home.

i hope i’m not sending a mixed message out to the universe… perhaps i’m not finished cooking yet – perhaps HE’s not finished with me yet. but i gotta tell you, i feel like if he gives me any more “strengthening activities” i might fall flat on my face. …but then again, perhaps that’s what HE’s waiting for – but i don’t know if i believe that.

i guess i’m just sad right now. and that’s ok. one day, i’ll come into my own. one day.

thanks for reading. you may now return to your regularly scheduled program.