I’m experiencing quiet desperation.
went to a new church last sunday. not sure if i’ll go again tomorrow… the “welcoming committee” made it impossible for me to attend coffee hour after the service… they came on much too strong. why is it the people on the welcoming committee are very pushy? no idea…
my mom still might come for thanksgiving – which is great. i’m spending most of this weekend getting ready for her visit. this might be the last time she can travel for a while… my father is still in the hospital, surrounded by people to take care of him – this would be a good time for her to come. it’s a sad situation.
the holidays are always emotinally charged. why is that? i have no idea…
on a lighter note, my dishes are clean! why do i let them pile up, when it’s so much easier to clean them immeidately after each use? i have no idea…
why is it i can have a great conversation with someone on the phone, but there’s nothing there when we meet? i have no idea…
why is it we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway (here in the states)? i have no idea…
now i’m just being silly. thank you for reading. please come back again soon. and stop over & say hello – rain always welcomes her visitors …a bit of sugar for your tea?
A lady was video taping her son riding a skate board when her attention switched to an old woman trying to cross the street. It is the best direct hit I have seen in some time. Turn your sound up and you can hear the lady that is taping also giggling as she records the event. Oh, how often do we wish this could have been our reaction to some smart alec behind the wheel of a car…
i just made a fool of myself… due to technical difficulties. i could tell you the whole story, but i realize some of you are on time constraints… so i’ll just tell you that i will survive (as i am a ‘survivor’) and – tomorrow is another day.
today i’m a morning person. for some reason i woke up early today. not the i-can’t-sleep type of early… just a little bit before my alarm. which is nice, because now i have a few minutes to collect my thoughts without starting my day with semi-stressful alarms & beeps.
i have to say my follow-up to the excellent phone call did not go as expected. it was actually a very enjoyable evening. and comfortable. which is encouraging.
am looking forward to my day with cute little student monsters. it’s a good thing these 3, 4 & 5 year olds are cute – because they can, indeed, be little monsters at times.
i will weigh-in & get measured on thursday. i’ve done my best to avoid salt, so hopefully i won’t be discouraged.
safe travels to everyone traveling today and tomorrow and the day after (and the day after that)
no, no… there aren’t any furry creatures here. i just weighed-in today, and have lost only 1.5 pounds. i tried not to eat salt in the past few days, and limited my water intake today before the weigh-in, however i was disappointed. i left the gym in tears…mostly because i realize just how far i have to go. [remember: we just had halloween, and i certainly had my share of “just one piece” …perhaps November will be another astonishing month re: loss]
but on a good note, my energy level has increased, my stamina/endurance is better, and my muscles are getting stronger. i’m sleeping better. and my monthly womanly cycle is better, too.
after leaving the gym, i came home and got my bike out – there’s a really nice cemetery near my home. i rode in the cemetery – there are some nice gentle & steep hills… i hope to improve my ability to ride each hill. that’s the goal, anyway.
actually, there’s another goal. the reason i bought this house? because there’s an awesome bike trail near my home. it weaves in/out of a park, through nice neighborhoods, and it’s very safe w/o street traffic. the entire trail is approximately 8 miles, and when you double-back it’s 16. the kicker – the thing i want to do… is leave the trail at the end of the 8th mile and travel through the townships – weave through and come back home again. that’s closer to 30 – 40 miles. one day i’ll be able to do it. that’s my goal. now i have something to work towards.
you’ve gotta have a goal.
thank you all for your lovely (and thought-provoking) suggestions. i will be posting responses soon. although the combination of Yorkshireman’s and Nessa’s suggestions made me giggle – although they are cute from afar, i will probably not be blogging about feline creatures… ah-Ah-AH-CHOOO!
thank you for your encouaging comments… i appreciate them :)
it wasn’t a long one, but i did ride 7 miles today. my bike tires were a bit flat…but the nice people at “bike shop” did their magic and it rode like a charm…am hoping to get back out on the trail tomorrow morning. it’s starting to get near feezing temps here – almost time to put the bike up for winter.
it is the middle of the night here…when i get most inspired. am in the middle of rearranging my living room furniture. however, i am a bit puzzled…and think i will basically put everything back in its original position. thus the commercial break so i can say hello to you fine folks.
found out that i will be welcoming a niece into our family around march 2008. congratulations to the family!
wasn’t incredibly productive today…am working on an anglehair scarf for my mom for christmas. (as you could imagine, she does not read this blog – otherwise i would have to be much more stealth in my communications) it’s that fuzzy/soft yarn…which is incredibly difficult to crochet. luckily things are going well…on my 2nd ball of yarn, and hope to finish sometime this week. it’s soft and fuzzy and black…will go with anything. and she can wrap it around herself and considered herself hugged from me (long distance)
thanks for your collective comments re: finding a partner… i know, i know. i get it. and there are days when i’m happy it’s just me, myself, and i. but there is a need inside that i can’t explain… a need to be part of something, a need to share, a need to give… yet to give without becoming empty. haven’t quite figured out how to balance all of that…[Question: do most men understand that if a woman’s needs are being met, his in turn will be met also? yet if she feels empty or taken for granted, he’ll never be able to receive b/c she can’t give?] anyway, and after i follow-up with the excellent phone conversation from yesterday – i will be focusing my energy elsewhere. i realize it is fatalistic to envision an ending to the potential already, but i’m realistic. however, it just takes one. one person who is able to see me, with whom i allow myself to be seen.
hey! who turned out the lights!?! [dramatic topic shift]
please comment and let me know what you’d like me to write about next time: rain is open to suggestions. however, please don’t suggest US politics…makes her head hurt.
hi friends…new & old. just wanted to check in and say hello. please pull up a chair and let’s share a cup of tea :)
i’ve been busy…been working on some personal things, trying to tackle professional ones, and mixed in there are some family issues too.
i am so thankful for this community – you each have enriched my life in so many ways… thank you for your faithfulness.
in lieu of sharing what’s gone on recently, i will sum up:
– i realized that i’d rather be single than date someone who has nothing to offer me (and, indeed, takes from me) sometimes i feel very much alone, and look forward to not being single anymore (but isn’t this a common theme? it’s the same, but a totally different experience for each person)
– i have some choices ahead regarding my profession… need to start looking into getting a 2nd master’s degree so i can obtain a new certification – the nice thing is: i AM single right now, and this is the time to do it (wont’ take time away from a husband and family… although, part of me wonders if going to school full-time AND working full-time might postpone a potential relationship. donno – time will tell)
– my father’s poor health continues to decline. multi-system failure, is very weak, is severely depressed, difficulty with his veins (re: access for dialysis). he went to hospital for some testing…was left unattended and fell & broke his hip. so in addition to all of the other issues, he now has this recovery too. he is suffering so much… and i’m worried about my mother. i try to do what i can for her – call several times a day to check in, send uplifting notes/emails, etc. but it’s not the same as giving her a hug :) (we live approx 900 miles apart) I made my father a nice, thick scarf last week & sent it with a funny card (wished i had taken a photo to share – it’s my best work yet!) and he didn’t even want to open the package – flat affect, no true response… he is in poor health. any thoughts/prayers/good vibes you can send his way would be much appreciated. i can’t pray right now – haven’t been able to for a long time. his name is charles/chuck.
– i haven’t weighed-in this month (yet) but don’t anticipate i’ve lost a significant amount of weight again (note: last month i dropped 14 pounds!) i took almost 2 weeks off from the gym…and am back on track now. i made myself go 3 times this week, and i may get my bike out today. i am 95% sure i havn’et gained, but don’t think i’ve dropped too much either. i wonder if i should create a new blog to specifically address weight/exercise/motivation/food, etc.? it’s an idea… i’ll mull that one over. i could just use this one – but then you’d never know if you’re getting *me* or the “diet” version :)
– rejoice! my sister in law’s pregnancy is going well… and i think they know if it’s a girl or a boy! (i am hoping for confirmation soon on “niece” or “nephew”)
– i’ve decided to stop “looking” and just focus on myself right now… like continue to simplify my life by sifting through boxes, tossing things i don’t want/need… that being said, i will tell you i had an excellent conversation with someone last night. now – he’s an athlete, cute, and an all around good man. i’m not an athlete – but i am cute… there’s just more of me to hug. i’m concerned that he wont’ find me attractive – oftentimes men look *through* me…they don’t even see me… and i’m not sure why, because i’ve got a terrific heart and a sharp brain (yet those things are on the inside). i wonder if this person will *see* me for who i am? he said a lot of the right things…but because of my experience thus far, i’ll take it all with a grain of salt. i’m realistic – i get it. and i’m working on managing my weight for ME, not for a potential partner… but i realize men oftentimes miss what’s inside because of the packaging. i know i’ve got a lot to offer the right person…and it’s important that i take care of myself now – because i’m the only one looking out for me.
that being said… thank you for stopping by. i hope, wherever you are on this big green earth, you have a fantastic weekend!
DEELEEA! i got one of Katie Melua’s albums – she’s so good! thanks for the recommendation!
JEFF & DITH! i am in chapter 2 of the Caring For Life book… thank you!