i’ve been busy. just snapped off the key inside the lock of my very secure, fire-proof safe. so now i have 1/2 a key, a very full keyhole, and some seemingly incredibly safe files & papers. whoops .
she said she prayed me home, and i believe it. because i started out the journey with a sleep deficit (but couldn’t sleep because i was trying too hard – “go to sleep! go to sleep…sleep now, you must sleep. go to sleep” …not very conducive to restful sleep). Somehow after 17 hours (including about 2.5 hours of intermittent napping and 1/2 hour of fuel stops) i made it home – safely! after i arrived, it was still daylight and took my body a few hours to calm down…and kept pinching myself to be home. Home! sometimes the best part of going away and visiting someplace else is the coming-home again.
lots of thoughts – hopefully the decluttering and organizing & nesting i’m doing at home this week (starting today) will help me process some of my thoughts. the first of which is get rid of clutter. the second is enjoy where i am and be open to opportunities. time to see what’s next.
oh, and i think i’m ready to look into weightwatchers…so found a few meeting options nearby, and plan on visiting one or two this week before joining – i feel finding the right group is important for me to stick with it and succeed. but it’s a good step for me…so feel free to touch base about it if i don’t blog about it – as accountability (in a non-threatening manner) is probably going to be helpful. hopefully.
The clock says 2:12 in the morning here…however, I wish I were not so keenly aware of the time – i.e. resting peacefully in dreamland– as the caffeinated iced tea consumed to quench my thirst late this afternoon has captured my circadian rhythm once again…when will i ever learn?! Thus my theory that this-little-patch-of-rain-is-very-sensitive-to-stimulants is proven once again – perhaps I’ll write a paper on it while working on my PhD.
On this trip to the east coast to visit Mom & Dad, my old roommate and I went to visit University of Maryland (Jim Henson’s alma mater) – ran into my old professor & department chair. She wants me to come back to school to work on my PhD and do research (literacy, fluency, language development, aphasia, rehabilitation, augmentative & alternative communication – the opportunities are endless). It may not be too personal, though – I know there’s a PhD shortage in my field and they (professors) try to suck any/everyone in to work on a PhD..so I don’t consider myself that special. However, I always saw myself as becoming a very good clinician – honing my professional skills, creating new challenges, exceeding them then creating some more. So it’s nice to have a connection and contact with her, but for now I’ll just keep that at the back of my mind…as there are other projects with higher priority.
The reason the iced tea was so necessary is because my mom and I worked for hours this afternoon, cleaning out a storage unit that my dad has…he has kept old antiques and stuff in this for over 3 years, and it’s time to downsize (and stop paying rent). We started last week, and have steadily made progress…and while working, I’ve realized that I too need to downsize my life (piles, clutter, collections, extraneous items…donate what i’m not using, give the gifts i’ve been saving, buying what i need now instead of what i *might* need in the near future…) organize closets, spruce up a few rooms with some cans of paint, get bids for a new roof…and enjoy the house for a while!
…because i think my two-year time frame is about up, and it’s time to make some changes. I visited the east coast two summers ago, had a lovely time with friends and family, and…well, just enjoyed the experience of being back ‘home’. After which, I gave myself a two-year window to make my life the way I envisioned it, meet new people, put things in place…and I’d assess my progress in two years. Well, here we are, I’ve made lots of progress on many fronts! However, it’s time to start thinking about coming home. This is where I’m from, my old dear friends are here (and there is ample room for many new ones!), and I believe I’d find more progressive-thinking, liberal people in general – the research & best-practices start on the east coast (re: work), Washington DC is nearby so the local news *is* national/world news (re: politics & global concerns), water/bay/ocean is relatively close… And I think I need to give myself permission to know that I moved to a new town in my early 20’s, gave it a decade, met a lot of wonderful people, learned a great deal both personally and professionally…and now in my early/mid 30’s it’s time for a new challenge. A new phase of life. And this isn’t because I’m single – I’m not seeking a geographic solution…but I have been lonely for a long time – I have friends and acquaintances, am well-liked at work, usually have ‘stuff’ and ‘things’ going on during the week, but it’s lonesome when you’re in a sea of people *or* out with friends and you’re not known. Maybe I’m just not happy – not depressed nor sad, just not happy…and I know happiness won’t just knock on my door in the shape of a life-partner or a shiny new toy. It needs to come from within. With me being an introvert I’m comfortable with my own company, I enjoy being around friends, enjoy meeting new people… I wonder if I’m standing in my own way re: happiness? I wonder what’s missing, what I’m trying to fill a void for? Or is it just because I’m not where I’m supposed to be? I’ve got oodles of time to mull this over, as any change wouldn’t occur for a year at minimum. But instead of tossing & turning in bed with my caffeine-induced awake status (at now 2:37am) it’s helpful to pour out some of my thoughts here.
on that note, thanks for reading, please stop in to say hello, or offer a good book suggestion and/or favorite beverage, vote your conscious if the toilet paper roll should be installed ‘over’ or ‘under’, suggested fingernail polish color, cake decorating techniques, favorite pasttime, or any other trivial/vital information you deem imperative…and I hope you have a splendid day ::waves::
yes, that’s what we like to hear when one talks about her road trip. Traveled all day yesterday, listened to a murder mystery on CD for 9.5 hours – that really helped the time go by quickly. Only drifted onto the rumble strips a few times, at which time I decided it was time to fill up the gas tank or get out the carrots in order to give my brain something new to focus on. Arrived safe & sound, and it’s good to be back home. I’ve been away for ten years, yet this is still home. I wonder if I’ve actually put roots down where I’m currently planted? Who knows.
Woke up this morning at 4:15, after going to sleep after midnight. After a long day today, including a work meeting that lasted 6.5 hours instead of 3, a trip to the library to get books on tape, adventures to the post office to mail a package to my niece & nephews out west, trips to/from car to load the trunk with gifts & things I’m taking with me, watering of plants, finishing laundry, trying to use up the eggs & milk (as they will expire before i return)… I’m wrapping up the home and life here so I can have an adventure by traveling back home and visiting with family and friends. In addition to reconnecting to where I come from, it will also be a ‘work’ trip to help accomplish tasks that I’m unable to do on a weekly basis (as we’re about 900 miles apart). So it makes me feel like a better daughter, and it also helps relieve the burden (hopefully) and is mostly helpful to my family. Will set my alarm for before dawn tomorrow, and hope to be on the road before first light. note to self: make sandwich for lunch. and don’t forget the yogurt!
I’ve surprised myself by acting insecure -with people who don’t matter, really. Was trying to repair something with one neighbor, and sounded rather silly… apologized for cutting the shared lawn space too short with the other neighbor – she didn’t even notice, which was good. And the third neighbor? I think we’re what you’d call ‘frenemies’, as we’re not close anymore, and it’s much more superficial. Which is jsut fine with me, but then i find myself trying to reestablish something we’ve figured out doesn’t work…and I come off the fool. For example, today we were chatting from across the road, and I wanted to show her something I had just bought, and while getting it out of the trunk I almost dropped it – actually, *did* drop it, but then caught it and helped it slide to the ground, thus nothing was broken – thank goodness! Wonder what this all means? I don’t know what i’m trying to prove, but i just need to accept that sometimes some people just don’t get along as well as others do, and that’s a-ok.
perhaps I’ll do some long hard thinking while in the car tomorrow…all day. It’s kindof like a mobile office – got my phone, a radio, lots and lots of books on tape, some traveling music… is it too early to have a mid-life crisis? I need to jump back in and take control of that which I’ve let go over the past few years…because I deserve to be in a loving relationship, to surround myself with friends, to expand my friendship circle, to give the love and caring that’s in my heart to someone/others who are special enough to receive it, and, well, that’s that then. The head & the heart need to have a serious conversation soon, and hopefully I’ll get back on track. We shall see!
Today is all about steadily working to cross things off my list of things to do. I’m still using the stereo my parents gave me as a graduation gift from high school about 16 years ago. Which means it has one CD player on it…no multi-disc-random-playing-of-songs-action. And I need music today in order to accomplish my many tasks around the house…but I also need to stay close by and switch out the CD’s when they’re over…or put it on repeat, but then I would no’t get to listen to a wide variety of tunes. Which brings me to seriously consider purchasing an iPod. I mean, I could put all of my music on it… and choose to listen to random, or a certain genre (yippee! Simon & Garfunkel! October Project! Mercy Me!). Anyway, I’m hoping you lovely fine people can give me some guidance about how much memory space I’d need, what I should consider, and any suggestions about the best place to purchase (online? brick & morter store? do they ever go on sale?). I’ve heard a lot of things about the battery…it’s chargable, right? But not really replaceable (unless you’re Deeleea – right??!) Anyway, any guidance or comments or feedback is much appreciated as I consider this next venture into the world of technology. Many thanks for your help, and happy listening :)