Monthly Archives: November 2009

some ideas

So I’ve been doing some thinking (and reading online), and here are a few different kinds of jobs to be investigated, re: a career shift:

  1. Work in a school (preschool, elementary, high school, segregated special education building and/or traveling to where the children are located, interdisciplinary teaming with other professionals)
  2. Work in a medical setting (with young children to older adults, in-patient & out-patient, communication disorders & swallowing treatment/recommendations, even premie babies – helping them coordinate the suck-swallow-breathe coordination involved in nursing)
  3. Consult with local Public Health Department (no direct therapy services)
  4. Do research (e.g., National Institutes of Health – NIH)
  5. Provide therapy to our armed forces (could work on a military base, provide therapeutic services to children & military personnel)
  6. Perform speech/language screenings for agencies in daycares, treatment centers, and state schools
  7. Private practice (adults or children…anything!  Accent addition/reduction, social skills, articulation therapy, communication/language, etc.)
  8. Clinical instructor at a college or university – provide supervision and teach clinical classes for the next generation of therapists
  9. Outpatient health clinic service provider
  10. Provide therapy (swallowing & communication) to clients in nursing homes, assisted living facilities, day treatment centers, or home health agencies
  11. In the corporate world, offer assessment & training in many aspects of communication as it relates to the business world (such as articulation, fluency, voice, language and hearing education, etc.)

Over the next few months, I will begin networking with a contact in the public school system on the east coast, a therapist working in the medical setting, a special education teacher who works with older children, and I’m sure I could set up a day or two to shadow a therapist who works with adults, say, at the Veterans’  hospital.  It’s time for a change.  After 10 years, I’m ready for a new adventure.  Or so I say now… let’s see what the future holds.

standing at the door waving

I’m not sure when or how it started (well, maybe I do) but whenever a visitor leaves my home (platonic, nonplatonic, family, friend, whatever) I always stand at the door until he/she is safely inside his/her car and they’re on their way.  Sometimes if it’s really cold out, I’ll press my nose against the glass and fog up the window…sometimes I watch my visitor get into his or her car, other times I just look at the yard/cars/trees, or other times I’ll go out on the porch and say goodbye one last time … On occasion I’ll flicker the porch light, other times I’ll wave…but I always make sure to close the front door after they drive away.

I didn’t realize I did this until a few years ago I was leaving someone’s house late at night, it had snowed, there were many stair steps to get to the parking lot, and there was a lot of ice/show to remove from my car.  I remember feeling so alone when the person just closed the door, and didn’t check to make sure I got to the car safely, if I was able to get the snow/ice removed, or even offer some sort of support (even if it’s just waiting to make sure things were safe on my end).  I suppose this tells me a lot about a person… because it  happened again in a different circumstance – was leaving the house of a man I was dating, late at night, and he walked me near to my car, we said goodbye, and he immediately went inside… he wasn’t there when I turned around before opening my car door to ask “how do I get out of here again?”  (this person also didn’t answer his cell phone, so I left a message – he called me back about 40 minutes later, after I had made a few wrong turns and figured it all out by myself).

When I was younger, my mother told me I needed to toughen up, to stop thinking so much, to be breezy, and to not care so much… not notice every nuance of everything so intently.  Unfortunately, she and I are cut from similar yet totally differently patterned cloth, as it’s part of my makeup to notice and remember things.  I have a family member (FM) who has no problem telling people what to say, how to say it, manipulating situations for personal advantage, not noticing other people’s feelings (although skilled in the business world, this FM does have difficulty with close personal relationships) and who is apparently highly sensitive as well – although it’s difficult to tell sometimes.  There’s a theory out there that highly controlling people are insecure.  Although I’m inclined to believe it on an intellectual level, it’s a tough pill to swallow when you’re being bossed-around by a FM in his/her 40’s over minuscule things.  At the dinner table.  gah.

This FM and I just spent some time together last night and most of today…

The hour when I arrived last night  (before bedtime) went very well (possibly because we were both exhausted), and the hour after we woke up went well too – fairly good conversation, interacting, there was an even playing-field, the “you & me are family” and “we’re in this together” camaraderie.  We have a shared history (sort of) and we share loved ones.  Similar education, but very different life experiences.

Unfortunately, I was trying to be helpful in a supportive, upbeat, humorous way…which did not go over very well.  Don’t worry, I got the message ( “drop it” ).  So the next six hours were much more formal, speak when spoken to, talk about what the FM wanted to discuss, smile and nod, and please pass the carrots.  Pleasant.  Very pleasant.  Pleasantly smile and nod.  Because the fun and camaraderie was gone.  Why?  Because my FM was reminded just how much I annoy him/her.

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So I didn’t finish this entry last night – got kind of stuck.  Because there’s so much to say, so much history… so much to explain.  I still remember things that were said in anger & indifference years ago.  It’s hard to forget how people truly feel about you… but then why is it easy to remember the bad stuff and not the good stuff?  I donno…the human condition, I guess.

I can’t quite put my finger on why this particular FM and I don’t have the best of relationships… I’m guessing some sort of rivalry is the root.  I’ve also had the added bonus of being about 10 years younger, so I can learn from this FM’s & others’ experience.

Last night realization came over me in waves – about how my actions impacted others, about not being loved/appreciated/understood for who I am today, about the increasing poinency of singlenss and not having a family to call my own (me thinks my uterus and hormones are starting the ‘babybabybaby’ mantra…which is difficult for me because i don’t see that in my immediate future…)  Maybe I push people away and dont’ ask for help and become increasingly self-sufficient so that I won’t be disappointed when they let me know or are hurtful…

An old friend recently told me that she believes I will have the desires of my heart someday… and over the past few years it has become more and more difficult for me to envision… perhaps I am my own problem?  or get my own way?

As things stand right now, I currently have low job satisfaction (and am starting to network in different regions of the country & doing some research about various careers with my training & certification), my circle of local friends is fairly small, and I’m in a rut.  Do you know how to get out of a rut?  The only thing I can think of is to start doing this dramatically different… or one thing.  Pick one thing  and do it differently.  Part of the problem with that approach is that it takes a great deal of energy…and most of the time I’m exhausted, or am recovering from being exhausted.  Emotionally, which feeds into physical exhaustion.  I’ll get it together, one day Ill have this all figured out… but until then, thank you for reading, consider yourself hugged, and I’ll come back and flush out more of these thoughts sometime soon.

another thanksgiving

It’s hard to type when the tip of your index finger is cracked and tender.  I’m typing more slowly than usual to make up for the pain… I hope, dear reader, it was worth the effort!  lol

So it’s Thanksgiving this week – a holiday filled with family and friends, a wide variety of traditions, usually involving large quantities of specific autumn foods (like pumpkin pie, sweet potatoes/yams, cranberries — my family & I prefer “can shaped” — and baking a turkey).   This year I’m going to mix it up a bit by making a sauteed kale dish (with a tahini sauce), cranberry cobbler, sesame broccoli, and a salmon spread appetizer served on crackers.

I haven’t posted in a while, but I have been lurking – hello, hello : )

Not sure if it’s the change in weather (moving into winter) or the change in time (went off daylight savings time) or change in diet designed to give increased energy (a whole food approach to eating, seasonal eating, etc.) but I am exhausted.  My health counselor says it’s because my body is restoring itself of depleted minerals and excreting toxins, which causes me to feel tired.  Not sure, I’m following the program fairly closely… we shall see.  I’m concerned that I have not lost weight (yet).  She says I could be losing weight around my organs, which is not visible to the eye.  Another thing is, we did a urine analysis, and my body is not breaking down carbohydraes into energy… it’s storing carbs as fat.  And causing carb-related cravings.  So I need take a digestive enzyme specifically for carbohydrates…just haven’t started the new routine yet.  She utilizes an eclectic bag of theories (blood type, metobolic rate, Ayurvedic dosha to name a few) and some Chinese medicine theories, too.  All of which is new to me, all of which has been around much longer than I on our green earth… so it’s a work in progress, our journey together.  Overall, it has been a huge blessing.  Although, I have not lost weight. It’s a 6-month program, so maybe…?  We shall see.  I’ll keep you posted, of course.

We’re trying to go low(er) maintenance this year re: holiday gifts, which is a blessing.  So I’m making some, buying a few others, but overall it seems fairly manageable.   I think starting early really helps me not feel so frazzled mid-December.  So just a few more things to accomplish, then I can wrap and send some gifts.  Can’t wrap the presents for my parents & brother’s family… because I”ll need to take them on the airplane, and they will not allow wrapped gifts (even in carry-on, which doesn’t make sense to me) so there will need to be a major wrapping session after I arrive to my parents’ home before Christmas.

I’ve also been kindof in a funk recently, lots of thinking, sort of reevaluating many aspects of my life, asking myself ‘what are you doing with your life?”, wondering if I’m missing the big picture, if my ship has sailed on many levels… and what am I going to do about it?  you know, regular light thoughts.  hahaha.  I’ll keep you posted if I come to any firm conclusions.  Until then, please know that I’m thankful for you – have a great week ahead.