Monthly Archives: January 2010

developments and …a list? yes, i *do* believe this could be considered a list!

An update on developments –

So as of today, I have planned to take off Wed from work so that I can begin making phone calls during the workday… phone calls to potential employers…for a new job sometime late summer/early fall?

Am waiting to get an update on the real estate market from an agent here – hope to gather information so that I can make a good decision about selling my current home.

Have  a list of whom I’ll request letters of recommendation.

Am mentally doing a great deal of thinking about things… am working on decluttering my  house (yes – still!) so that I can free some brain space… which will help me make lists and stay organized.

Need to schedule a trash-haul day when they’ll pick up big items (which will help me get rid of debris from my kitchen rehab project last year… there is a lot of stuff – like broken cabinets and drawers – in my garage…)

Am thankful to Facebook for reconnecting me with some special people from years ago…

Resume is complete – now need to get the cover letters written, contact potential employers, and begin filling out their online applications.  Or is it too early?  Yes, these questions need to be answered.

Also need to look at some of the storage options – how secure are they? temperature controlled?  I want to stay away from mildew and mold and yucky stuff like that… so that the only drama/trauma is the actual moving…not damage to my belongings while stored in storage.

Where will I live for short-term?  Need to look at apartments and options… and locations.

~~~~~~~~~~~Oooo – just because I was motivated, I just called a different real estate person and asked some questions (just now! while writing this post!) and she’s going to send some information over to me about the real estate activity… whew~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, well… now it’s time to go finish up in the kitchen.  Declutter.  So that my mind can declutter… who was it? Either Dith? or Lemly? or Burntsienna? said one time that clutter is an indication of a creative mind.

boy, am I creative.

oh – and as of yesterday…

yes, as of yesterday i had a wave of anxiety that rattled in my stomach as i realized just how much would change (and all there is to do) in such a short time frame.  but i really can’t stay – as there’s not much for me here.  and if i’m going to be alone, i may as well be in a city where i  have some history, right?  and it’s fun to re-invent one’s self and do something completely different… well, i could stay here and become a hermit.  actually, that sounds nice.  although it makes daily living tasks difficult were i to become a hermit (or at least that’s how i imagine it)

in other news, i went for a walk yesterday.  around the neighborhood.  it was nice.  and so cold!  but hopefully this will be the first of many…as we’ve started incorporating exercise into my routine (and so far i hate it – the scheduling & doing of it… after about 5 minutes i actually enjoyed the walk – but shhhh, don’t tell anyone – especially me!!)

p.s. maybe i need to find a Jedi Master, who is capable of performing Jedi Mind Tricks on me now and then… like hypnotism, only more powerful and StarWarsLike.  i may become a health & exercise fanatic!
p.p.s. someone found this blog by searching “rats and rain”… how delightful!  i bet they were surprised.

today?

…the plan du jour is this:

pack up boxes & furniture, hire a moving company (or rent a truck and drive myself), move into a storage unit many miles away, come back home, shine things up & paint & touch up and make things sparkly,put house on market, schedule job interviews, and then leave permanently… hope my house sells in a reasonable time, get a new job, start a new life, be happy with these decisions, and just look forward.

made a list of people whom i’ll ask for job recommendations.  now need to decide where i’ll apply, and start asking people for their support.  need to start keeping lists, too… need to find out when i need to let my current employer know, too.

in other news – my need to have a ‘plan’ is feeling radically out of control and i have no idea if i can/will let go of the wall and trust that it’s all going to work out… time will tell.  maybe it’s time to fly? (see below)

maybe things will seem easier tomorrow.  time for bed.  thanks for reading. . .  goodnight, whenever you are.

COME TO THE EDGE

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It’s too high!

Come to the edge.

And they came,

and we pushed,

And they flew.

—  Christopher Logue

more time

Yesterday’s workday was filled with ups and downs – intensity and levity… and I think this last part is pretty funny.  After arriving home at 4-ish I decided to take a wee nap (then wake up and do the 100 tasks that needed to be accomplished).  And, um, well… I woke up and the clock said 6:00.  I thought “great!  just need to make some dinner and then viola – can tackle my To Do list”

…unfortunately it’s 6:00 AM.

the next day has begun.

…and I haven’t yet finished the day before.

time is a funny thing.  so are naps.

time

Remember those old clock radios that had the numbers that flipped… you could hear them change minutes, especially at night?  My dad had one – on his bedside table.  It was always on – playing some sort of talk radio that I didn’t learn to appreciate until I was 20 (now I almost exclusively listen to NPR – national public radio – because I feel it gives more well-rounded local/national/world reports… but I digress).   So for Christmas he gave me one of those digital photo frames.  It’s wicked cool, and since I’ve never owned one before I had fun playing with it once finally  unpacked last night.  It even has a few fancy features…displays digital photographs, has a calendar display, AND it has a variety of clock displays – including the vintage number-flip display.  Mine is quieter than the ones they made in the 1970’s…however the LCD screen is pretty bright during the black nighttime, so it has its own drawbacks.  In other news, if you need a nightlight or way to orient yourself en route to the bathroom in the middle of the night, you could always use your new digital photo frame.

It’s funny, actually – watching the numbers flip.  Reminds me about how quickly time passes.  I have been thinking a great deal about the past 10 years of my life, and what I would like to make with the next decade… because, in all honesty, we only get one turn on this earth (well, depending on your religious beliefs, but let’s just go with my thought here) and I don’t want to wake up 12 years from now and wish I had made different choices.  No more wishing my life away… (isn’t there a line like that in The Princess Bride?)

While going through old files, I came across so many encouraging sayings/documents/quotes to keep me motivated and moving when I was in graduate school.  Things like:

  • I have enough time to do what needs to be done today.
  • Changes are difficult. It’s an uphill battle.  It’s difficult. You can do it! Changes are difficult, but you can do it.
  • …Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

I still have a beautiful quote book – I used to write down the things I heard/read which impacted me in some way or made me think.   Unfortunately, I never wrote down who said what…on purpose…so it would be very difficult to publish or share publicly,  but maybe it would do some good for me to start writing in it again.  Maybe the “law of attraction” would enable me to hear/read more inspiring & thoughtful words.  And maybe it’s time I started living my life instead of existing and coping – feeling that my destiny was my job I’m rapidly losing interest in, in a city with people with whom I share no history, alone.  I’ve been so alone for so long – some by choice, other by circumstance… it’s time I had my friends – my good friends, with history – within a day’s driving distance.  Perhaps thinking about these things is making it very difficult to sleep…currently 2:46AM.

Overwhelmed?  Well, I’m feeling more calm about logistics working themselves out.  If worse comes to worse, it will only cost me a great deal of $$ to move (if I don’t yet have a job and need to put my furniture & belongings in storage).  Logistics, logistics, logistics…and taxes.  lol

I’m actually very excited – thinking about all of this time, and time passing…and making time count.   This weekend I made a near-final rough draft of my resume (and is currently in the hands of three trusted friends to give me constructive feedback – info add/delete? spelling? grammar? repeats?).  And I’m thinking of the kind of job I want to have.  And where I might wish to work… if the universe was open and I could create my dream job.  and life.

…carpe diem, right Captain?

trojan horses

…are on my new computer.

perhaps i should stop trying to watch current HBO series episodes “free” online.

….and patiently wait for them to be released via DVD.

(nothing is free – maybe the payment is hosting a few trojan horses!  ….apparently, they enjoy eating computers)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in other news, moving 900 miles does seem daunting at present.   logistical nightmare…as i want/need to sell my house.  and the housing market is not quite bottomed-out yet.  not too too worried about finding a job, but that’s there in the mix too.  if only it were simple.  and easy.  if i had my heart’s desire, i’d finish up the school year, pack up a few boxes, and move to the east coast over the summer, and start a new job in September. a bit too overwhelming to think about now… so I’ll just finish brushing my teeth and begin the workday.

lovely neighbors

will surprise you by shoveling the snow on your front sidewalk so you don’t have to on an incredibly chilly and blustery snow-filled day.

when the roads are slipery and unsafe, it’s fun to stay at home and watch HBO’s Big Love season 3 disc 1 and Mad Men season 1 disc 4.

this video watching implies that i did not work on the basement (organize books, pack books, move bookshelves so that i can get the walls ready to paint)… which is very true. luckily i have the day off again tomorrow due to weather here, so i just might get myself in gear and accomplish something productive.

then again, maybe i won’t. will keep you posted.

p.s. love this quickpress box thingy

quick press

ok, so it’s really 11:11 pm my time – and so it’s still today (not your tomorrow/yesterday). when i woke up this morning, the sun was shining bright into my window…and i thought ‘wow, what a great morning’. then i thought ‘hey the sun is shining’. then i thought ‘oh-my-goodness-the-sun-is-shining-and-you’re-soooooooooooooooooo-late-for-work’

needless to say, i jumped out of bed, realized i should have been at work 30 minutes prior to this jumping-out-of-bed event, realized that i never hit snooze so i must have just slept through the alarm, and quickly assessed a shower was unnecessary but had time to wash my face.

wasn’t a big deal, really… got there in an hour (25 min drive) so made good time… could have made it earlier, but upon leaving my house i remembered it was trash day. so i unloaded my bags & bags, gathered trash, took it out, reloaded bags onto shoulders, then jumped into the car. oh, and it was 4 degrees this morning (fahrenheit) way below freezing, especially with wind chill – kind of burns the lungs it’s so cold. and my asthma has been acting up, too… but i digress.

to sum it up? i overslept. not to be repeated anytime soon…or at least that’s the plan.

::thinking::

it was years ago, a lifetime really – and it impacted the trajectory of my life in ways I may never understand.  Which is fine – because we all are dealt certain cards, and these were mine.

Recently, when considering a career change, I’ve been thinking about working in the medical setting… which would include neurological injury (stroke, aphasia, closed head injury, etc.)  I’ve also been thinking that I may bring a new perspective and understanding to my clients as I was involved in a car accident when I was 17.  It was a single car accident, and there’s a lot to the story of that night – but when it all boils down we think I went into anaphylactic shock (am allertic to nuts – may have eaten something containing nuts just before driving home) and thus lost control of the car… so my body went into respiratory arrest (injury 1) and there was the injury from the impact of the car (injury 2) in the same accident.

Through trials and struggle (all of the things associated with recovery from head injuries)  I went on to finish high school, then attended college… then graduate school, and am so lucky the accident happened when it did.  The mere fact that I had to utilize my brain’s executive function by organizing & attending lectures & writing papers and organize my time was probably the best rehab one could receive… that and the fact that brains are still fairly plastic until age 21-ish.

So I hardly ever think about it (was a lifetime ago), but when there is a crisis or someone has a loved one with some sort of brain injury, I have empathy and know a little what it’s like on their end, and know from personal experience that our bodies & brains are amazing things – they recover when possible/able.  I wonder if I could be a blessing to others by doing my job and doing it well in that kind of environment?  I’m thinking…

In other news, I have successfully changed the batteries in two *beeping* smoke detectors… and changed a light bulb while up on the ladder.  Maybe I should get out of my pajamas and go to the post office & grocery store… maybe I will – after making a tempeh-reuben sandwich.  Time to go heat up the skillet.

p.s. hello friend from Mountain View, CA   :D