“Let me ‘splain.
No, there is too much.
Let me sum up.”
I believe the reason I haven’t blogged in a long time is because so much has been going on over here… each day brought so many changes and things and revelations…difficult to keep up. I do wish now I had documented it in some way, because here I am on the other side, and all I can remember is the whirlwind.
I did, however, mention something about procrastination here, though… Perfectionists make the best procrastinators, because we really (honestly & truly) think that in order to do/start something, we should do it right.
How utterly exhausting.
So, to sum up the last six weeks or so:
1) House is on the market, ready for showings (just one so far, but will probably be lowering the price soon…hopefully just the right person will see it – and in a few months it will be a new home for someone else)
2) I have a job interview scheduled at the end of April (just bought an airplane ticket last night). I’m not worried at all about the interview… but I AM very nervous about what to wear! Need to go on a business attire shopping spree ASAP.
3) 7 more weeks of school year…so it’s “crunch time” at work (intense & stressful..so I’m more focused on having fun with my students – but need to be taking very good data and getting their files & therapy plans in place, too…gah!)
4) am planning to submit my resignation in the next few weeks (that was a very difficult decision to come to, but I think it’s best all around… feels like I’ll be flying without a net – because, literally, I will be unemployed! It’s scary, because I’m such a planner…)
5) I had an emotional meltdown about losing the money I have invested into this house… and now I’m MOSTLY on the other side (of that meltdown) and hope to be ok with a less-than-perfect-house-selling-situation. Especially in this real estate market. Especially in the current economy.
6) Which comes first – job? or move? …storage unit? or buy a house? Something needs to fall into place soon – or else my head will, literally, explode. Or maybe I’ll just develop a new nervous twitch? I already pull my hair, so hopefully future stress will express itself in a non-destructive way.
7) Weight loss? um, well, sort of. Depends on the day. I can now register on my scale, which is a great thing! But unfortunately my weight has fluctuated sooooooooooooo much in the last month, I’ve decided not to get on it for a while. Also, the simple act of weighing myself makes me think about food and sabotaging myself…so perhaps I should put the scale away for a while.
I have recently had the pleasure of reconnecting with old friends (and sharing the art of laughter!) which has been sorely missed and such a blessing.
8) I’ve consistently been late to work this past week…so, um, maybe i’ll try to wake up earlier? It takes me A LOT longer to leave for work in the morning…because I have to clean up behind myself every moment of getting ready! (UH-OH! WATER DROPLET ON SINK BASIN – MUST WIPE IMMEDIATELY! or SMALL SPECK OF DEBRIS ON FLOOR – CALL IN THE TROOPS AND VACUUM IT AWAY!! or TAKE OUT THE TRASH BEFORE YOU LEAVE – YOU NEVER KNOW WHO IS GOING TO LOOK IN YOUR TRASH CAN!!!). Needless to say, it takes a bit of getting used to…especially making my bed every morning – I’m really not that person who makes her bed up perfectly every morning…. so this has probably been the biggest adjustment (so now i try to make my bed while brushing teeth before jumping into the shower…there has certainly been a learning curve.) I could always do what my niece does and just sleep on top of the sheets/blankets.
9) Cooking is a challenge – I don’t feel like I can mess up the kitchen too much because I need to be able to show the house at the drop of a hat… so am working on a meal plan…
10) Making a ‘meal plan’ is harder than anything – I have some sort of cognitive block (same kind of block I experience when planning therapy sessions for my students – I’m GREAT at helping other people plan their lessons/generating ideas for other people/children – but when it comes to me it’s really hard for some reason). I also have a cognitive block when talking to someone or about something important…which is why, I think, that I’m not a good debater. Give me some time, and I’ll come back so we can talk about it. But heated debates? No thank you.
11) it has felt a little bit funny, knowing that this may be the-last-time i’ll do this or that… or see this person… or hey – we better get some plans on the calendar pretty soon because i won’t be here much this summer! kindof exciting, kinda scary…and it’s also kind of funny when friends & acquaintances are frantically wanting to do stuff together (for which i’m flattered and of course i want to do stuff too) when all the other time i’ve lived here it was really really really difficult to find time together – like pulling teeth… if only it were easier in these past ten years…
12) in a loving way, a friend recently helped me realize a few things… about God’s humor and timing and my stupid sheep mindset:
WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN WHEN G-D SAID…?
- – no church community for you
- – here, gain some weight so you’ll feel REALLY good about yourself. are you listening yet? nope? ok…
- – no guy friends for you!
- – nor good-girlfriends-who-live-in-town either!
- – and hey, throw in a dash of job dissatisfaction…
- – lemme shut down any possibility of a relationship so that you won’t settle down here
- – want kids? maybe/maybe not – but i’m gonna make sure you don’t have them here because there’s no community for you whatsoever!
- – are you listening?
- – let me see, dumb-adorable-daughter-rain… you better build a big boat – and bring lots of animals, both male & female (oh, you’re allergic to animals? well then: good luck on the flotation journey/adventure…)
…to which ~rain~ responds: “well look at that – things must be ready to turn around any moment…I can just feel it – good luck is right around the corner… seriously. my moment of life falling into place is coming any moment now. I’m gonna stay and wait. ..and wait. …and wait… and – darn it! i GET it now – it’s time to move on!”
Ok, ten eleven twelve things… i think that’s enough for now. i will try to come back when i’m able to share some of the stuff that’s going on in my head. until then, take care, be well, consider yourself hugged…and happy celebration of Easter tomorrow morning!!!