Monthly Archives: April 2010

chewing my smoothie

yes, it’s 12:30am, and i’m just sitting down to dinner… what is it, you ask?  A smoothie: blended together are a whole bunch of kale, 2 big carrots, 4 strawberries, and a ripe papaya (protein powder and oat milk & water too).

so because it’s so hearty it’s necessary to chew!

::munch:munch:munch::

Why did I put such interesting things into the blender?  Well, I went grocery shopping last Saturday – which was great!  I got such lovely things for the week ahead… but I neglected to remember that I am leaving town tomorrow (Friday) so this week I had to work REALLY HARD to eat all the fresh yummy things I purchased so they wouldn’t go to waste.

This week’s menu included:

  • bok choy salad
  • avocado/fennel/grapefruit salad (me.not.like.   love avocados & fennel, but no thanks on the grapefruit!)
  • spring green salad w/ sauteed sausage (with no nitrates and the animal was humanely raised & grass fed)
  • smoothies with oodles of kale (yum)

Needless to say, there’s been a lot of chewing going on!

My bags are packed.  I’m ready to fly….to Baltimore, Maryland (just outside Washington DC) for an interview.  I’m so excited, and am looking forward to finally being there and interviewing for a great job.  Wish me luck.

When I’m not being in a zen state or hangign out with family and friends, I’ll be looking at neighborhoods and houses and trying to find out where I’d like to live when I finally get settled…

It will also be sooooooooooooooo nice to be away from home… because my house is on the market, and I have to make my bed.  (every day).  Can you tell I’m used to all of this clean-up-water-droplets & oh-no-a-speck-of-dust-horrors?  Yah.  It’s rough.

…am looking forward to a few days of messy beds, piles, and NOT immediately cleaning up after myself.

look out world – rain is comin’ down!

:)

~~another dream~~

ok, so this one is pretty funny.  at least in my book i see the humor.

the premise was that i was on a date with someone i had just recently met, we were getting along ok, but the chemistry was forced …but ok, that’s kindof what happens on first dates. (although i pretended to enjoy kissing him – which surprised both him & me).

so we walked to the end of this long yard to where the flowers were growing in the back garden.  surprisingly there was a lady hotdog vendor there (in the garden – at my house!) and my date started chatting her up.

by the end of the dream, he didn’t come back and i was left alone – rejected on a first date.  what is going on with my insecurities expressing themselves through my dreams??!??!!?  (it is kind of funny – and makes me thankful to be single right now, or else i’d probably be a mess with all of the life changes up ahead!)

a dream… a not very nice, bad dream

i’m awake now – thank goodness.

i hope you’re doing well.  i just wanted to tell you that i woke up after having a horrible, horrible dream.  my painters (whom i loved in real life) took advantage of me – kept my key & copied it – and were going to steal my things… they found a sleazy guy with a truck – which wasn’t big enough and had no sides so my antique furniture was going to get wet – and after i said the situation wasn’t going to work for me (because i didn’t want to start moving until June) my painter friend said “well, i have her key so i can let you into her place” so i said ‘No!  Give me back my key’ – they did a fancy maneuver, and tried to copy my key…which made me so mad – i struggled, messed up their copy-tools – at the end of the dream I was going somewhere safe (away from my home – I lived in a college dorm-style apartment in the dream) I realized he tricked me – he had given me back a DIFFERENT key – and I was too far away to do anything about it…and I tried to call the police, and it was so intense…I was going to lose everything.  why did they do this to me??!  and then i woke up.

Stress much?

…to borrow a line from The Princess Bride (and a conversation w/ G-D)

“Let me ‘splain.

[pause]

No, there is too much.

Let me sum up.”

I believe the reason I haven’t blogged in a long time is because so much has been going on over here… each day brought so many changes and things and revelations…difficult to keep up.  I do wish now I had documented it in some way, because here I am on the other side, and all I can remember is the whirlwind.

I did, however, mention something about procrastination here, though… Perfectionists make the best procrastinators, because we really (honestly & truly) think that in order to do/start something, we should do it right.

How utterly exhausting.

So, to sum up the last six weeks or so:

1) House is on the market, ready for showings (just one so far, but will probably be lowering the price soon…hopefully just the right person will see it – and in a few months it will be a new home for someone else)

2) I have a job interview scheduled at the end of April (just bought an airplane ticket last night).  I’m not worried at all about the interview… but I AM very nervous about what to wear!  Need to go on a business attire shopping spree ASAP.

3) 7 more weeks of school year…so it’s “crunch time” at work (intense & stressful..so I’m more focused on having fun with my students – but need to be taking very good data and getting their files & therapy plans in place, too…gah!)

4) am planning to submit my resignation in the next few weeks (that was a very difficult decision to come to, but I think it’s best all around… feels like I’ll be flying without a net – because, literally, I will be unemployed!  It’s scary, because I’m such a planner…)

5) I had an emotional meltdown about losing the money I have invested into this house… and now I’m MOSTLY on the other side (of that meltdown) and hope to be ok with a less-than-perfect-house-selling-situation.  Especially in this real estate market.  Especially in the current economy.

6) Which comes first – job? or move?  …storage unit? or buy a house?  Something needs to fall into place soon – or else my head will, literally, explode.  Or maybe I’ll just develop a new nervous twitch?  I already pull my hair, so hopefully future stress will express itself in a non-destructive way.

7) Weight loss?  um, well, sort of.  Depends on the day.  I can now register on my scale, which is a great thing!  But unfortunately my weight has fluctuated sooooooooooooo much in the last month, I’ve decided not to get on it for a while.  Also, the simple act of weighing myself makes me think about food and sabotaging myself…so perhaps I should put the scale away for a while.
I have recently had the pleasure of reconnecting with old friends (and sharing the art of laughter!) which has been sorely missed and such a blessing.

8) I’ve consistently been late to work this past week…so, um, maybe i’ll try to wake up earlier?   It takes me A LOT longer to leave for work in the morning…because I have to clean up behind myself every moment of getting ready!  (UH-OH!  WATER DROPLET ON SINK BASIN – MUST WIPE IMMEDIATELY!  or  SMALL SPECK OF DEBRIS ON FLOOR – CALL IN THE TROOPS AND VACUUM IT AWAY!! or  TAKE OUT THE TRASH BEFORE YOU LEAVE – YOU NEVER KNOW WHO IS GOING TO LOOK IN YOUR TRASH CAN!!!). Needless to say, it takes a bit of getting used to…especially making my bed every morning – I’m really not that person who makes her bed up perfectly every morning…. so this has probably been the biggest adjustment (so now i try to make my bed while brushing teeth before jumping into the shower…there has certainly been a learning curve.)  I could always do what my niece does and just sleep on top of the sheets/blankets.

9) Cooking is a challenge – I don’t feel like I can mess up the kitchen too much because I need to be able to show the house at the drop of a hat… so am working on a meal plan…

10) Making a ‘meal plan’ is harder than anything – I have some sort of cognitive block (same kind of block I experience when planning therapy sessions for my students – I’m GREAT at helping other people plan their lessons/generating ideas for other people/children – but when it  comes to me it’s really hard for some reason).  I also have a cognitive block when talking to someone or about something important…which is why, I think, that I’m not a good debater.  Give me some time, and I’ll come back so we can talk about it.  But heated debates?  No thank you.

11) it has felt a little bit funny, knowing that this may be the-last-time i’ll do this or that… or see this person… or hey – we better get some plans on the calendar pretty soon because i won’t be here much this summer!  kindof exciting, kinda scary…and it’s also kind of funny when friends & acquaintances are frantically wanting to do stuff together (for which i’m flattered and of course i want to do stuff too) when all the other time i’ve lived here it was really really really difficult to find time together – like pulling teeth… if only it were easier in these past ten years…

12) in a loving way, a friend recently helped me realize a few things… about God’s humor and timing and my stupid sheep mindset:
WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN WHEN G-D SAID…?

  • – no church community for you
  • – here, gain some weight so you’ll feel REALLY good about yourself.  are you listening yet?  nope?  ok…
  • – no guy friends for you!
  • – nor good-girlfriends-who-live-in-town either!
  • – and hey, throw in a dash of job dissatisfaction…
  • – lemme shut down any possibility of a relationship so that you won’t settle down here
  • – want kids? maybe/maybe not – but i’m gonna make sure you don’t have them here because there’s no community for you whatsoever!
  • – are you listening?
  • – let me see, dumb-adorable-daughter-rain… you better build a big boat – and bring lots of animals, both male & female (oh, you’re allergic to animals?  well then: good luck on the flotation journey/adventure…)

…to which ~rain~ responds:  “well look at that – things must be ready to turn around any moment…I can just feel it – good luck is right around the corner… seriously. my moment of life falling into place is coming any moment now.  I’m gonna stay and wait.  ..and wait.  …and wait… and – darn it!  i GET it now – it’s time to move on!”

Ok, ten eleven twelve things… i think that’s enough for now.  i will try to come back when i’m able to share some of the stuff that’s going on in my head.  until then, take care, be well, consider yourself hugged…and happy celebration of Easter tomorrow morning!!!

can i say procrastination?

[i wrote the following about a week ago – and never finished, either…but here it is – now i’ll start working on my next entry…hopefully it’ll be posted before June!]

I’m trying to decide if I should play “Best of Handel” or “Pachelbel Canon & Other baroque Favorites”  for the Open House tomorrow…? My real estate agent is holding the house open so prospective buyers can take a peek… I’m hoping someone will fall in love with my home, the storage, the home improvements I’ve done while living here… so we shall see.  My goal is to have a contract by June, so that I can finish the paperwork before packing my stuff into a truck to start Phase II of my adult life :)

I had a phone pre-interview last week with my 1st choice of employment opportunities.  Hopefully sometime in April we’ll schedule an in-person interview… and then I’ll sort of know what the next few months hold.  I can’t believe I’m doing this – it’s exciting and mind numbing at the same time – I feel like I’m walking around with my body & brain disconnected at a fundamental level…because apparently I’m doing just fine with all of these changes…which freaks me out a bit.

Since my last post (of the big long list) I have accomplished double, no triple the amount of work… and now I just have a few more things to do (like paint the garage door, touch-up the baseboards, clean.clean.clean)

[thus the end of this interrupted entry – have no idea what caused me to stop…but thanks for reading!  please take care and consider yourself hugged… love, ~rain.]