Monthly Archives: May 2010

Help? Inquiring minds want to know

Ok, so the plan du jour includes selling house, moving furniture & belongings into storage, then doing a national/international volunteer project or short-term work opportunity.

This could include helping build houses, helping with community projects, helping children with special needs who have difficulty with communication, never been on a missionary trip to an underdeveloped country – but something along those lines.

In the USA we have Habitat for Humanity.  In South Africa there’s a woman who came to speak to my class in graduate school as she tried to inform & recruit speech-language pathologists to join her for a stint to help children with special needs.  I’d recommend going to Haiti, however right now the country is in such caios….

Suggestions?  Other things I could think about?  Anything you’ve heard of or experienced yourself…?

thank you for reading, and I welcome your comments – who knows, perhaps you might be involved in shaping the trajectory of my life!

woke up this morning

…and, for the first time – ever – I won’t be going to work.

yesterday was my last day…i’ve been there for 10 years, and i said goodbye to the people, the place, the students… other teams with which i’ve worked, the friends i’ve made over the years… i need to make a list of people i want to get together with – and need to make those plans soon, becase as soon as my house gets a contract on it, the timeline will start and things will move rather quickly as i transition to a New Life Phase.

Is it possible to have a mid-life crisis pre-mid-life?  Or perhaps i’m just getting ready to fly… because i’m not holding onto the wall anymore.  I really did it!

There’s more to share, so I’ll be back later.  But my thought for today is this: breathing well is really, really important :)
(just used my nebulizer/breathing machine, which made a world of difference….all of the moving/packing/loading/unloading has made my asthma really bad – oh, and the fact that i haven’t been taking my medication regularly b/c need to keep it hidden while the house is on the market…so often i forget – out of sight, out of mind.  So, anyway, every breath is a blessing…and when I’m not breathing well, the whole world is a bit more stressful and bleak – yet now it’s bright and free… BREATHE!)

a new post

After ten years with my current employer, I have two more days of work left.
Two more days – ever.
The last week or so has been incredibly taxing…for a variety of reasons I shall not go into at the moment (too taxing).
Please wish me luck accomplishing everything that’s needed in the next 48 hours…

and know that I’m sending greetings & encouragement your way – will read wibsite more & be increasingly responsive to your posts as I take some time for me
…as I try to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

query

why is it, when i become excited about something/someone, or i have hope, or there’s a smile on my heart…that sometimes i’m left holding the bag because someone let me down?  were my expectations too high?  am i just too high maintenance?  do i need to get MORE of a life?!  …yah, that’s probably it.  there are just those days when i thought i was dancing in step with someone else…and then i realized i was a fool for thinking so.  maybe i just don’t understand men?  or i didn’t date enough in my 20’s?  or perhaps that’s just the way the cookie crumbles… whichever way, i need to stop checking my email – it’s driving me absolutely crazy.  perhaps i should just shut off this fancy electronic thing that understands multiple series of 0’s & 1’s.  yah, that’s the ticket.  thank you for listening – today’s ranting is complete.

an idea!!!

I just had an idea – what to do with all those quotes from the other day?  I’ll take them, one by one…and share what they mean to me.
[see here for complete list]

#1

“Smile when it rains, for any fool may do so when the sun shines”

For whatever reason, I was looking at an aunt or uncle’s yearbook when I was about… 12 or 14 or something.  Someone had this quotation next his senior year photo.

And I thought “wow”.

It made quite an impression on me…

I have (since?) always loved the rain.

When most people were sad/angry/upset/complaining when it rained, I chose to be happy/thrilled/contented with the rain – the water from the sky that nourishes our plants, washes the earth, and brings life.

The rain also brings destruction.  Devastation.  Flooding.
…but in those acts of breaking down and destroying, newness emerges -eventually.  New chapters are written for impacted lives.  New structures are built.  Everything changes, both good and the bad.

It has generalized to other areas of my life, too.
When there are two lines at the grocery store, one a little bit shorter than the other… I choose the longer one.  Why?  Because in this fast-paced world, it’s ok to wait.  It’s ok to not have things go perfectly.  It’s ok to let someone else get into a shorter line/queue.

When tough work needs to be done, I say “bring it on” because I smile when it rains… I’m thankful for the opportunity for employment.  Bring.It.On.

And when there’s sadness in my heart, or when my eyes are filled with tears, I smile, because I have hope this lesson will be learned.  Because I will become stronger.  Because the day will come when this hurt does not pain me anymore… I’ve experienced it.

…because I smile when it rains.

others’ thoughts (quite literally)

Dear Wibsite Friends,
Years ago I was given a beautiful blank book.  But what to fill it with?  Then I decided: quotations.
Either overheard or read somewhere…and to make the most impact, I decided to NOT quote sources.

Recently I blew off the dust & reopened the quote book to find a few words to share with a friend…and I thought you might like to read them, too.

…read slowly – there’s a lot here to digest all at once.

If you have some mantras, affirmations, quotes to share…please do!

Oh!  and the 1st quote is the reason i blog under “rain”  =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Smile when it rains, for any fool may do so when the sun shines.
  • I have enough time …to do what needs to be done …today.
  • I can do it all – just not all at once.
  • I strive for the best …and do the possible.
  • Where you’ve been doesn’t matter… it’s where you’re going that matters.
  • God speaks to us in our joy…but shouts to us in our pain.
  • Sometimes our freedom comes …in the way we accept things over which we have no control.
  • It is a poor mind indeed that cannot think of at least two ways to spell any word.
  • One doesn’t discover great lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
  • If you’re gonna make a goal, make it measurable and attainable.
  • Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions.
  • Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes.  It’s unbridled, it’s unplanned, it’s full of surprises.
  • When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
  • I am a great person, and gosh darn it, people like me.
  • God lives in every expression of love, joy, and kindness.
  • God permitted the sacrificial death of Jesus… in order to provide… a way to break the alienation and hostility in the God-man relationship… establishing God’s unconditional love.
  • Love is like wildflowers…it’s often found in the most unlikely places.
  • Fit in?  Nope.  I fit “out”.  (always have, always will…)
  • There is no such thing as a weird human being… it’s just that some people require more understanding than others.
  • Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalized.
  • It’s alright to let yourself go sometimes…just always remember to get yourself back.
  • Joking is undignified…which is why it’s so good for one’s soul.
  • Flying: the art of throwing one’s self on the ground…and missing.
  • Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.
  • You are a wonderful, worthy and lovable person.  Appreciate that about yourself. No one has ever been, nor ever will be, quite like you. You are an individual, an original, and all those things that make you uniquely you are deserving of love and praise.
  • My friend, if I could give you one thing, I would give you the ability to see yourself as others see you…then you would realize what a truly special person you are…
  • Walking in faith doesn’t mean the storm is taken away.
  • …look me in the stars / and tell me truly men of earth / if all the soul and body scars / were not too much to pay for birth…
  • The brightest sunlight produces the darkest shadows.
  • …listening to your heart, finding out who you are is not simple…it takes time for the chatter to quiet down …in the silence of “not doing” we begin to know what we feel…if we listen and hear what is being offered, then anything in life can be our guide… Listen.
  • Friendship is the purest illustration of picking one’s propaganda.
  • I need to learn how to be really caring about the people I care about… I need to learn how not to be so caring to those I don’t care so much about…or else I won’t have enough left for those whom I cherish…use it carefully…and give a lot to those you care about.
  • Madness takes its toll (please have exact change)
  • …we are pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed…
  • Don’t turn away from possible futures before you’re certain you don’t have anything to learn from them.
  • Argue for your limitations… and sure enough, they’re yours.
  • …listen… We are all. Free. To do. Whatever. We want. To do.
  • Have faith… HIS hand will seek yours forever.
  • Life is not about perfection; it’s about letting go the need to perfect.
  • God can handle your anger.
  • Perhaps you have to know the darkness …before you can appreciate the light.
  • This is my charge to you – you are a lightbearer.  You are to choose the light.
  • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  • Fairness is not that everyone get the same thing … but that each individual gets what he or she needs.
  • You can’t hindsight that way. When something happens, it happens, and you have to accept it and go from there.
  • Suffering, in Jewish tradition, confers no privileges.  It depends on what one makes of that suffering.  It is possible to suffer and despair an entire lifetime and still not give up the art of laughter.
  • All beginnings are difficult.
  • The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
  • Time spent laughing is time spent with God.
  • It’s incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busyness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall…
  • Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
  • You may not be able to change your heritage but you can choose what you will pass on to the next generation.
  • I have to let go… Completely.  I can’t hold onto it.
  • I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle… I just wish HE didn’t trust me so much.
  • Expect trouble as a inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself the most comforting words of all: this, too, shall pass.
  • Laugh so hard that you go into silent mode, and you come dangerously close to falling out of your chair …but you don’t.

traveling??!? & emotional release

it’s about 2:15 in the morning and i just finished watching a great movie (see the trailer here) the trailer looks a little cheezy, but it was a good chick flick and, well, i liked it (and it made me cry…because one of the characters in it was just so sweet)

or maybe i just like for my eyes to “glisten”… a bit of a cry – it’s just a short term for ‘an emotional release’.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, (today) I’m sticking to Plan B and have made several inquiry phone calls — will be making many more next week during normal business hours — for a short-term contract job.  The way I figure it, I can work through the summer (until my house sells) and then take a break after putting my belongings in storage on the east coast.

AND THEN… I’m mulling over the idea of taking a few months off to do some traveling (which I’ve never done before).  How does one afford to travel to the UK or Aussie country?  Well…perhaps one works through the summer until she sells her house and relocates her belongings to the east coast!

Unfortunately I’ve packed most all of my books :(
(and i had a few really good Let’s Go Europe and Small Planet books…well, guess I still have them, it’s just that I have absolutely no idea which box they’re in or when I packed them or where they may be hiding this very moment)

Any website suggestions or other resources to help me brainstorm an idea?

  • What about taking a 1-month Italian course in Tuscany?
  • Volunteering in Ireland?
  • Visiting pubs in Scotland?
  • Hunting very big spiders (or cute koala bears) in Australia?
  • Egypt?
  • Poland?
  • What about getting a Eur0rail pass and just going with no plans except a return ticket to the USA?

Well, maybe I’ll figure out the world’s problems AND find a new job AND sell my house AND make fantastic chance-of-a-lifetime travel plans tomorrow.

(sigh) but for now my pillow is calling my name…sleep well – or have a good morning, whenever you are.

thoughts on employment ‘n being a professional single woman sans children

I never knew what a blessing it would be to simplify my life…were I to start parking my car at the end of the driveway and begin entering/exiting my home into/from my rear kitchen door.
The kitchen is where the heart of the house is.
For the past few years I’ve been entering/exiting through the front door.
Then I may clutter the living room with bags, lunch box, purse, etc.
And in the wee hours of the morning when it’s time to take out the recycling/trash, I think “This Is Too Far Away” or “That Is Too Difficult”

…and now, with the new routine of coming/going through the back kitchen door, a dark veil has been lifted – it’s so much easier now to pack lunch, take out recycling, gather belongings for the day ahead… why did it take me so long??!!?

I have some quotes that I’ll share in an upcoming post – it’s my hope that some of them will be meaningful to you.  And I shared some music that inspires me in the previous post if you haven’t had a chance to check it out :)

So – THE INTERVIEW!  One week ago today I had an interview just outside Washington DC.  It went ok, but I’ve gotta tell you… at this point, I kind of hope they do NOT offer me the job.

What’s up with that?   Am I sure I wouldn’t like the job?  No.  I’m not sure.  But I think, were they to offer me a job, I may want to wiggle out of it.  Why?

Well… the whole work:life balance again.  They said at the interview that “everyone works at home” and I asked about staying in the office until my work was complete and they said some people do that too.  But what this tells me is the job responsibilities cannot be met within the work day.. even after the learning curve (I’d expect  to work long hours the first 3+ months or so as I learned the paperwork and figured out how to be more efficient).

I was also taken aback with the attitude (‘holier than thou’) I received during the interview.  Yes it’s an internationally known research institution. Yes, people come from all over to have their children evaluated/treated.  Yes, they only interview candidates who pass a few levels of screening.  Maybe the assistant director just didn’t like me.  Maybe it was a REALLY bad week.  Maybe she didn’t drink any coffee AND there were staffing problems that morning.  Maybe she was stressed out b/c the accreditation people were there that week and things were a bit nuts.  I don’t know.  Regardless, I don’t know if I want another grad school experience.
I’ve already been to grad school.
Been there.  Done that.
I want a work:life balance.

Yes, I want to learn new skills and expand my skill set… but I dont’ want to be taken advantage of.  I’m tired of giving & compromising without recognition or compensation.  It would make a big difference if I received a stipend (of some amount) because I currently work in one of the most difficult, socioeconomically depressed areas of our city)
…because then someone would actually be saying “Hey – I know you’re doing  a job that no one wants in a very tough place – here, let me publicly and financially acknowledge that for you”

Living with my parents short term while starting a new job in a new city?  Well, that’s a whole different story… it’s possible it may work.  But I’ve lived on my own for quite some time and I’m not sure that would be good for my emotional health (as there was a reason i moved 900 miles away years ago)  And maybe if I got the kind of job where they pay for my living accommodations, I could live in an apartment while rehabbing a house or something… so after I officially let go of this job offer (in my head/heart), I’ll start thinking more creatively.

And my current house?  It is still for sale.  And, well…today (!) I’m thinking that I need to stay here until my house sells.  Which may mean I need to take a temporary job assignment with a company who will train me for work in the medical setting.  and if we all know it’s a temporary thing, then me giving 4 weeks’ notice because of a contract will be fine….or at least that’s how it works out in my head.

So, the newest thing is I may rather do some “other” sort of job..so now my current project involves finding other establishments at which to apply.  I’m seeking a better work-life balance, and have seen this phenomenon with friends over the years…it’s a thought I’ve been pondering & mulling over in my brain, and it’s just a thought –

and I apologize if this rubs you the wrong way, please don’t take offense (but i would welcome your comments/discussion!):
When a professional single woman w/o children reaches her early-mid-late 30’s, she may begin to reevaluate some things and want a different kind of balance.  We’re not wired like many men are, to work 40+ hours/week with limited social/emotional outlets (thus the work:life balance) … Which is why I think some single women decide to have/adopt a baby in her 30’s —  the women who didn’t change her work schedule in her 20’s by having children then – it’s a socially acceptable reason to change to part-time or take a few years off work… I think we’re genetically programmed this way…there are a lot of us out there, and if I were a sociologist I’d certainly have a thesis to research!

youtube? (for your listening pleasure)

while in the car listening to a mixed cd i made a few years ago, i felt the strong urge to ditch work for a few minutes, swing back home, and share these with you.

this one makes me feel encouraged…(song starts @ 25 seconds!)
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=188fVog7KiI[/youtube]

the words in this one make me feel like telling the world “bring it on!” with the deep knowledge that it’s gonna be ok and I’m stronger than I look and it’ll all work out…etc, etc.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9h5X0PbJnvI[/youtube]

and this one because we all need to feel at home…and it gives me hope with a dash of optimism…and, well, it’s just a really good song.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-ouxPhYy7Y[/youtube]

enjoy :)