bowls, jobs, and dreams.

Yesterday I realized that food doesn’t have the same power that it once did.
Yesterday I had a bowl of chips.
And didn’t eat the whole bag.
Nor did I even think of the whole bag.
Instead of using the large bowl currently sitting on the counter, I went and got a cereal bowl out of the cupboard.  As I opened the bag of chips to put a handful into the smaller bowl, I saw the bigger bowl on the counter…and wondered “when did that happen?”.    Although it seems sudden, it’s not.  I no longer felt out of control like food was controlling me… or perhaps my “need” for food was controlling me.  (need to be careful here – sometimes the more I talk/think about something it usually backfires – don’t want to set myself up here, but it was a pretty powerful moment and wanted to get it out).  I ate one or two chips at a time, enjoying the flavor, stopped when I had enough…didn’t shove my mouth full of tasteless chips just to swallow them whole.   Anyway, I’m eating more for fuel… and when there is some emotional eating I know why…and am able to understand more about cravings and what they mean.  Big step, good investment, and glad to be on this side of that particular journey.

Speaking of journeys – Blank Canvas Project:  am spending 6-8 hours/day on the phone with potential employers, trying to find a good fit.  Am working closely with two companies, trying to find a job in either Missouri or in Maryland (I have a license to practice in both of those states already – any other state we’d need approximately 2 months to obtain a license… so if I get started in Missouri or Maryland first, I can apply to a different state and have my new license ready when job #2 comes along).  Oh, are you confused?  Let me explain: am seeking 3-month assignments as a traveling therapist.  So I go to where the jobs are… which is SO different than working in the schools (with absolutely no flexibility) because it’s so different and I’m not locked in for the rest of my life – If I’m not really loving an assignment, no worries… something different is right around the corner.

Sometimes I have dreams that stick with me most of the day, but usually they are right at the tip of my memory after waking up – and are often gone or fade rapidly as I try to chase them…
Then there’s the other side, too – I often daydream quite vividly (and have frequent deja vu) because I’ve either dreamt something, daydreamed it, or have ESP.  I also vividly envision different scenarios, how a conversation may go or how I’d respond to a certain situation.  Not infrequently (unfortunately) I actually think I’ve talked to someone about something / said something / actually had a conversation… only to realize perhaps that’s not the case.  It’s embarrassing sometimes to NEED to clarify about a conversation that may or may not have happened in real life.  I find it’s just easier to preface the odd conversation by sharing about my daydreams – and perhaps I take visualization to a new level.

And let me thank you, each of you, for the collective wisdom shared in the previous post – I’m looking forward to all the growth and wisdom the upcoming year will bring  :)

In other news, there’s a cricket (or grasshopper – can never tell the difference) in my house; it kept me hostage in the living room last night.

5 thoughts on “bowls, jobs, and dreams.

  1. When you say chips…. do you mean CHIPS!!!! or what do you “adulterators of our language” mean crisps?

    Chips are an important part of anyone’s 5 a day. Crisps are nice but small portions are good.

  2. In my original blog post, I wrote “chips/crisps” but then didn’t remember if ‘crisps’ were fries (i.e., french fries) or crackers or, indeed, potato chips…? So I took it out and went with my American English *chips*…not thinking anyone would notice EXCEPT YOU, of course.
    So, yes, POTATO CHIPS (i.e., British English *crisps*) are good in small bowls.

    On this side of the pond there are ‘trans fats’ in most processed foods. However, on your side there are hardly any. Which makes me angry at my government, and makes me feel very kindly toward yours. Perhaps this Blank Canvas Project of mine should include living over on your side for a while, experience how it feels.
    Now I will go off to a dark room and ponder my government and consider adding additional citizenship elsewhere… (sigh)

  3. I noticed the crisps/chips thing – but being a linguist ;-) was able to make the linguistic leap required.
    With Ferijen… I just don’t buy the naughty stuff – then I can’t eat it. (When, on the other hand, I do occasionally cave in and buy a tube of Pringles…. well, I can pretend I didn’t buy them because there’s no evidence of them within seconds of arriving home! Zoom! Down the hatch. All gone. ;-) )

  4. yes, thank you both ferijen & Kerensa – if I don’t buy them, I don’t eat them…however, in the past, when I’ve restricted – been very good & very firm – then at some point I would binge (eat the entire whatever-it-is). I’ve turned over a new leaf, and it’s not about cutting certain foods out of my life – that’s not the most healthy thing to do for me. It is, however, important for me to include the most nutrient-dense foods into my food intake. More of a “crowd-out” theory – the more greens and grains and vegetables and protein and high-quality foods I put into my body, the fewer salt/sweet cravings I will have… and this is true – it worked for me! Now sometimes I *do* eat sugar (like eating some birthday cake at a friend’s party) because it’s social and it tastes good…but i have to take care to maintain as stable blood sugar as possible so that my body doesn’t go on a rollercoaster (thus the binge eating will ensue). At this point the bag of chips/crisps is gone, but I was pleased with the result and how I used them to meet a flavor/texture want instead of consuming them to fill some sort of need. Does that make sense? Anyway…thanks, all of you, for the comments – I read and appreciate them – and you! :)

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