Blank Canvas Project: an update

It’s that time again – by the end of the week, I’ll move out of the apartment in Delaware I’ve been living in for 5 months… the trunk is 1/2 way packed…and i hope to fit it all inside the car when it’s time to head out of town.

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Professionally, I’ve grown.
lots of new skills, new confidence, and so much more I know I dont’ know (yet).

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Personally, I think I’ve finally learned some lessons.
To listen & adhere to any/all red flags that wave themselves in front of my face… that I deserve to be treated respectfully… and to love and be loved.  Not sure if/when/why/how that’ll happen, especially with the drum-beat that many women in their 30’s start to hear (not all, mind you…but many)

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I’m scared of the month ahead – am moving back home to help parents for 4-6+ weeks… you may find me here venting… actually, it makes me sick to think about – all that can go wrong.  …the knowing too much about my father’s mental illness and how it impacts my mom and, in turn, how it will impact me being under the same roof in a helping capacity.  I hope to stay centered and balanced.

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I haven’t felt connected – not where I came from, not where I’ve been, and not connected to where I’m going.
It’s been an “in between” time.  Which has its own blessings & challenges.
And it’s lonely.  Don’t worry, it’s not a victim-y thing… more of a current state.
One can be lonely in a crowd, with friends, or by him/herself.

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I used to have it all figured out with food and stuff – was on a great track.
Got off track.
Time to get back on the track.
… take control, lose the pounds
…and get myself ready for… well, ready for whatever is next.

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i also had a stream of consciousness here…in case you’re interested in reading something while drinking your tea.

2 thoughts on “Blank Canvas Project: an update

  1. well hello there! Next chapter in the adventures of Miss Rain :) … can’t wait to hear what happens … and thanks for the update … in between is an interesting time .. I did that in the period 2001 – 2003 … don’t regret it now … but sometimes, during …

  2. this is a tardy response, but thank you, misslisa :) in between is proving to still be an interesting time…and i’m just about ready to move forward to actually being somewhere ~ but that’s a story for another day. i hope you’re doing well…
    ~r.

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