Tag Archives: rambles

a funny

When I rearranged my bedroom yesterday… the bed went snug into a corner instead of just hanging out in the middle of the room… so, now that it’s in a corner, there’s only one way in/out.  It’s the right side.

…now I will most definitely get up on the right side of the bed each and every morning!

earlier today, a little before now…

While I type this, am in the process of taking my temperature, and have created a list-of-things-to-do today while home sick.  What’s interesting is that I began a project that was not on my original list… but I will add it to said list so that I may immediately cross it off.

  1. get security bars for exterior door [edit: will accomplish tomorrow on way home from work ]
  2. pick up chicken soup (or something) from grocery store [edit: didn’t have an appetite…oh well ]
  3. rake and/or mulch leaves in yard
  4. make bed w/ flannel sheets… move bed to other wall, unplug/plug in lamps, rearrange bedroom…
  5. clean clutter in kitchen [edit: will accomplish before heading to bed]
  6. remove outside hose, turn off water to spigot… clear spout of water (so it doesn’t freeze & expand) [edit: could only do 1/2… turns out the piping for the new furnace i installed last fall is blocking the water pipe shut-off-valve… rats!  must call handyman or plumber… yikes. ]
  7. cancel dr. appointment [edit: oops – too late… try tomorrow.  Done!]
  8. organize linen closet (so far i’ve organized sheet sizes, towel sizes, curtains/tablecloths, washcloths, and hand towels… now it’s a matter of putting them back into the closet… wish me luck)

…that should be enough time… ah, yes – fever down a bit, but still elevated…. it’s nice to be validated w/ a real fever when i’ve been feeling rather crummy as of late :)

thoughts… and bread

So an old friend gave me some Amish Friendship bread, er, well – she gave me the ‘starter’ for Friendship Bread… here’s the friendship bread story w/ recipe … it’s dough in a bag, and each day I’m supposed to do something special with it.  So I waited 3 extra days to get started on the whole baking process.  it’s yummy bread, but for the effort I’d rather make chocolate-chocolate chip cookies or something.

I’m doing ok – thank you, everyone, for your kind comments below… I’m sad, but it was the right decision (at least i think it was… yes, it was.. right?) I’m second-guessing myself (remembering the good things)  and continue to remind myself: the things that were not going well were fundamental, basic, major, foundation-building things… and all the wanting & wishing in the world couldn’t change those things, especially if both of us didn’t see them.  He was a near miss… and I’m going to be ok – that drumbeat is still in my heart… ‘everything is going to be just fine’

Am home sick (thank you to Facebook friends who sent well wishes already!) this weekend & into Monday… but look forward to being a bit more functional tomorrow – been sleeping a fever away most of today.  Already have a list for tomorrow… need to cross a few things off.

I’m headed to a work conference in Chicago, Illinois USA later this week – some colleagues and I are taking the train… train travel isn’t as common here as it is in Europe, so I’m really excited about the trip (and not having to deal with the headache of having a car in downtown Chicago!).  We’ll be gone from Wednesday – Saturday… just in time to be home on Sunday – to get the grocery shopping done for Thanksgiving!!!

I love Thanksgiving, but I do *not* love grocery shopping the week of Thanksgiving… the grocery stores are a madhouse :P

I’ll write more later – I’ve missed the first 15 minutes of Brothers & Sisters… yikes!

W.I.S.E. hint: my exchangee is very well read…

conversations with coworker

was talking with a coworker yesterday… during some down-time between clients… talking about friendships, significant others, and how to get our emotional needs met…

I mentioned that, a long time ago, my mother told me i was very hard on my friends.

…my coworker said she could see that.

but what does that mean?

do i have high expectations? if someone doesnt’ meet my expectations do i throw them out with the trash?

i’m not part of a “group of people”… not sure why. although, my city is very difficult to break into socially. there are many people who would consider themselves in my inner circle… but they may not know there’s another inner circle…(and people in that inner-inner circle, whom i feel comfortable with and who know many parts of me, may not realize they’re in that inner-inner circle)
i feel as though no one really knows me – perhaps that has to do with moving around a lot growing up? being independent, self-sufficient…? but i don’t consider those bad things… who knows.

I have had enough experience to know that if someone doens’t have anything to give me, then i need not spend precious emotional energy on that person. for example, although she’s my sister, she doens’t make me feel good, she’s often mean (and sometimes she’s not, which is confusing), but i don’t beat down her door begging her to spend time with me because often I don’t feel good around her… am on the defense.. always protecting myself..

so i’ve been living in this current city for over six years. and i have met people, and have girlfriends… we schedule get-togethers 2 or 3 weeks in advance… they’re on my calendar. but… where’s the “right now” friend? what if i need someone right now?

I wonder if that where romance and a significant other comes in? am i at the point in my life where most people have a significant other, and i’m the minority, which is why many of my friendships are not fulfilling that need… because they’re not designed to…?

my coworker said all of her friends meet different needs… that each one of them brings out something different in who she is, in her own personality… and that it’s too much to expect one friend to meet all of those needs.

intellectually, i agree.

but, at the same time, i’m wanting to be fully known by one person… known and accepted. loved, too. and perhaps i’m asking too much of my friends – i get easily disappointed… i think i am a good friend (except when i forget birthdays, but i do give to them in other ways)

so perhaps i’m missing what i don’t have? is that possible…? probably.