Tag Archives: work

a dream…

I was at a conference in Australia, not sure if I was presenting or just attending the conference.  I had my car (or was it a rental?) and was driving north to the airport.  Had a few coworkers in the car with me… but couldn’t read the map, so I pulled over.  At that point I was alone in my car; my boss appeared – she knew where to go, “follow Barb” she says.  Flashback to the conference room, lots of Aussie attendees have their laptops out, taking notes… we split up into small groups to discuss whatever it is we’re discussing at the moment, and there was a redheaded Aussie who didn’t particularly care for my contribution to the group.  Flashforward to the drive to the airport: kept thinking my wib-friends would be disappointed if I didn’t stop to say hello — because I was so close — but didn’t have internet access.  I wanted to call their names out, but didn’t think that was sophisticated enough to work effectively.  Kept looking at the map, trying to find highway 55 north to get me to the airport (it was like one of those cartoon maps, with, like, 7 marked roads, and big ovals for “airport” and “conference” …no legend to tell us how many inches = # miles, so all very relative.  Then there was an airport scene.  Did I rent my car while on the continent? Or did mine magically appear at the conference, and if so…how was I gonna get home when arriving back in the United States if my car had to stay in Australia?  Then there was the whole baggage claim fiasco.  I must have forgotten to check my bags, but lo & behold they were there – just took me an extended time to get to the baggage carousel.  Do I go get my car first? (apparently by this time I was back in the USA — Did my car come back with me? or was it always here, waiting for me to arrive? ) How much baggage did I bring with me – and why is that man following me?  Ah, found one bag – yup, it’s mine.  Nancy can you watch my stuff while I get my other bags?  Where’s the baggage trolly when you need one…? Why can’t I find the right spot in the airport…?  Why is this so stressful?  When will I learn that going to conferences is stressful?  Why is that person still following me?  Will I ever get home?

And then I woke up.  Not necessarily disturbing, but since my friends from Oz in this community were in it, thought I should share… maybe that means I need to come visit, right SingingSemele?  I remember not wanting to disappoint you, Ian – because in my dream you said if you were so close you’d make an effort so I should too – I tried!!!  and Lisa I wondered if I’d be close enough to see your new gorgeous home?  And Deeleea, I didn’t know if you’d be working on projects or sitting on babies – wondered how I should get in touch with you??  And then I wondered if the friends in the UK would be bummed if I went to Oz first?  All in all, my brain was very active while *hopefully* my body was resting.  But perhaps it was restless.  Thus the active dreaming.  Lots of real life things in this dream… wonder what my subconscious is trying to work through?

I’ve been lurking a little bit on the wib…but there’s lots of catching up to do.

An update: decided to go with a PC — a Toshiba Satellite to be precise.  So far we’re getting along famously, especially since I found the mouse touchpad on/off button.  Now I like it a lot more, and typing isnt’ so frustrating.

Had a mini-meltdown last week at work due to administration…feeling like my hands were being tied behind my back -figuratively- and they say “ok now, rain – juggle!  3 balls!  4 balls!  juggle more, juggle more!!!  7 balls, 8, 9.  Now!  Keep 17 balls in the air!” without my hands.  I cried while driving up to work last Thursday… I never cry like that – couldn’t stop.  Was in the parking lot for a while, then told myself to get over it, put sunglasses on, got out of the car, went straight into the bathroom to wash my face and get the redness out of my eyes… as soon as I gathered myself together and stepped out, it started again.  Did a little bathroom-wash-face-gather-self-together-dance a few times…finally was able to go into my office.  But it was not the best day on the job.  I fulfilled the requirements – I showed up.  But it was a difficult day.  Had a chance to speak with my boss the next day, and by then my emotions were spent…so it was a productive emotion-less conversation, which is probably best for everyone involved.

The kitchen is finally complete!  I’ve been planning to do a photo montage of before/after pictures.  Must get on that soon.  It’s much more functional (even though there’s less room to move around in there — more furniture and storage now) and looks updated and current.  Hopefully that’ll help the house sell.

And I’m still thinking about moving 1/2 way across the country to come back to my roots.  I’ve got until January to see how the housing market is faring… I’ve sunk a lot of $ into this home, and I’d like to get the money out I’ve put in to add updates (e.g., roof, tuckpointing, new furnace, new wood floors installed, refinished main floors, new kitchen & appliances)…and possibly make a profit too.  So it may not quite be time to sell… we’ll see.

I’ve been busy with food, too.  Hired a holistic health counselor last month – we’ve got a 7-month contract, and so far it’s going very well.  There’s a method to her madness, and steps, and stuff… So far I’m learning a lot.  Like how to cook and incorporate more greens into my diet (which help reduce sugar cravings – which is true! because I’ve experienced it).  And a variety of different grains.  What do to with them, and how to use them throughout the week.  For some reason, at least here in the States – it seems like cooking whole foods kindof skipped a generation:  mine.  So far, my work with her has been very beneficial.  As we continue, as we figure out what my body really wants, my body will become more satisfied…and the hope is that I’ll begin to shed weight naturally.  It seems like I’m eating a lot now, but it’s good stuff (more swiss chard anyone??!) And I’m starting to have a better understanding of why people from other countries are so fascinated/disgusted by our food here… After WWII, we started to produce more processed and packaged foods, as women left home to go into the workplace.  And the regulatory systems in place to make sure our food was good for us lost sight of the overall goal (healthy people).  And the Food & Drug Administration lost sight, too… as many, many drugs are introduced to treat the side-effects of not eating nutritious food… like a very viscous circle — which many people have gotten trapped in.  I bet most of your grocery/food stores in your countries would be considered “health food stores” here.  And our regular grocery/food stores are just filled with crap.  Everything has hydrogenated corn syrup or soy or some sort of filler is added so the big company can make $.  I saw a documentary a few months ago, which confirmed a lot of what I’ve been recently thinking/reading/understanding.  No wonder Europeans think our milk chocolate tastes horrible – it does!  Because it’s so grossly laiden with sugar and high fructose corn syrup… but I only experienced this after I’d been eating lots more greens and grains and hardly any sugar… been using agave nectar & raw honey to sweeten my tea (neither of which spike one’s glycemic index).  And I believe the raw honey has had a positive impact on my allergies – because now I can eat an apple and not experience the uncomfortable tingling sensation & possible hives and irritation usually associated with it (b/c of what they call an ‘oral allergy syndrome’ or ‘pollen food allergy’).

So I’m gonna be around more… and I think it’ll be a good idea to use this community as a place to share, too, about my food experiences (see above).  Because it’s really hard to be vulnerable and share with the people at work/friends because they want me to teach them – and I need to focus on learning and on myself — and not be barraged with questions and why’s and stuff.  (although you’re welcome to question and ask me why – it’s not as intense when my dear readers as questions ***but please don’t say “i told you so” or “i can’t believe you didn’t know that” or “no wonder most americans are overweight” as that will cause a great deal of pain…and probably make me cry***).  This was a fairly lengthy entry.  Perhaps I should come back more often so there’s not so much to post at once :)

off to get some breakfast – am doing  a “breakfast experiment” [7 days of different foods…how do i feel immeately after?  2 hours after?  and i already substituted the “fresh fruit” day with something else, because I know I’ll be hungry on fresh fruit alone — hardly before i’m finished eating!!]

take care, be well, and consider yourself hugged.

conversations with coworker

was talking with a coworker yesterday… during some down-time between clients… talking about friendships, significant others, and how to get our emotional needs met…

I mentioned that, a long time ago, my mother told me i was very hard on my friends.

…my coworker said she could see that.

but what does that mean?

do i have high expectations? if someone doesnt’ meet my expectations do i throw them out with the trash?

i’m not part of a “group of people”… not sure why. although, my city is very difficult to break into socially. there are many people who would consider themselves in my inner circle… but they may not know there’s another inner circle…(and people in that inner-inner circle, whom i feel comfortable with and who know many parts of me, may not realize they’re in that inner-inner circle)
i feel as though no one really knows me – perhaps that has to do with moving around a lot growing up? being independent, self-sufficient…? but i don’t consider those bad things… who knows.

I have had enough experience to know that if someone doens’t have anything to give me, then i need not spend precious emotional energy on that person. for example, although she’s my sister, she doens’t make me feel good, she’s often mean (and sometimes she’s not, which is confusing), but i don’t beat down her door begging her to spend time with me because often I don’t feel good around her… am on the defense.. always protecting myself..

so i’ve been living in this current city for over six years. and i have met people, and have girlfriends… we schedule get-togethers 2 or 3 weeks in advance… they’re on my calendar. but… where’s the “right now” friend? what if i need someone right now?

I wonder if that where romance and a significant other comes in? am i at the point in my life where most people have a significant other, and i’m the minority, which is why many of my friendships are not fulfilling that need… because they’re not designed to…?

my coworker said all of her friends meet different needs… that each one of them brings out something different in who she is, in her own personality… and that it’s too much to expect one friend to meet all of those needs.

intellectually, i agree.

but, at the same time, i’m wanting to be fully known by one person… known and accepted. loved, too. and perhaps i’m asking too much of my friends – i get easily disappointed… i think i am a good friend (except when i forget birthdays, but i do give to them in other ways)

so perhaps i’m missing what i don’t have? is that possible…? probably.

Thoughts on being a princess

an old friend brought her 16 month old baby to my house for a visit this evening… between dinner and bedtime (so it was a short visit)… but we had some tea (in my hand-made mugs) and I baked some delicious brownies (fudge-like w/ extra chocolate) served w/ coffee ice cream…. what a treat!

…in college I received three (3!) marriage proposals when I made a butterscotch cake for a friend’s birthday party… perhaps I should volunteer to bake for a similar occasion in the future :)

Work is relatively stressful at the moment… I feel like the further I go, the behind-er I get. There’s so much to do for my students … and with my current caseload demands, it’s very difficult to address every need on a weekly basis, let alone tackle the bigger projects. I need to make a master list – yes! that’s it… I’ll make a master list of what I want to address with specific students, and take it from there. I’ll try to remember that tomorrow – sometimes my moments of clarity get clouded in all of the mind juggling currently going on…

Oh, this is funny – there’s a guy I’ve been communicating with… not many sparks (but he was a bit cuter the 2nd time we met)… we had a private joke about me being a princess… started with the 4-post bed I put together (long, complicated story for another day)… ’cause, you know, princesses sleep in high 4-post beds with a canopy…. anyway, this is how I responded to him… he hasn’t written back yet – Can’t decide if he:
A) thinks I’m incredibly charming and is taking time to write a creative email response… OR
B) I’ve totally weireded him out and he has removed me from his ‘friends’ list

[excerpt correspondence between Rain and her male-pen-pal-person – MPPP for short]

HE SAYS: hopefully you sell [your condo] soon and can buy a canopy…

SHE RESPONDS: you know, I’ve been thinking…about what to do once I get my canopy… shall I kiss a frog? Perhaps fall into a deep sleep… or maybe I’ll go live with seven short men who work in mines… Putting a pea underneath the mattress isn’t necessary (it’s already well known that I bruise easily)… and, anyway, vegetables belong on a plate, not in bed. …Perhaps I’ll ask a pumpkin to take me to a grand party (wearing two glass slippers – me, not the pumpkin). Actually… I think I’ll wait and kiss Prince Charming. That’s what the storybooks usually say…happy ending and all.

I could have responded in a very nice, normal way… but I decided to respond in a Rainy way… wanted to find out if he can go with the flow… it’s very important that a man be able to play with me – verbal banter and intelligent talk are a must… I wonder what will he do…?

…I’d be interested in your comments… How do you think he will respond? :) I’ll keep you posted – check the comments section in a few days… unless, of course, it was truly option #B above :) …which would actually be a blessing – I’d know he isn’t able to play. Perhaps he’ll surprise me…

Anyway, have a good day tomorrow!! I’m looking forward to some rainy weather :)

mental health day

i’ve decided that i will be sick tomorrow. i’m a bit stressed and/or overwhelmed … need to take some time for me. need to figure a few things out… and work on some stuff… and not explode (that can get messy). i give 110% in my job, and at the moment i’m operating on approx 23%… you do the math. tomorrow is about refueling. i’m deplete.

HEY MEN – is it a good sign if… i lent a book to a guy, needed it back (fyi: we decided to take dating off the table before meeting for the first time …a few weeks ago) …anyway, is it a good sign if we met in a parking lot to exchange the book, and it’s apparent he changed his shirt and put on cologne or aftershave lotion? or am i just being a girl and reading too much into it? i wonder if he’s trying to impress me? or perhaps he was just trying to cover the ode-de-bachelorhood… (this happened about 11pm my time). he was cuter this time around…(2nd in-person experience) and it wasn’t’ the shirt/scent combo. perhaps the situation was more real…less choreographed. who knows.

hope you’re all doing well. thanks for reading, and for your comments. they truly brighten my day… or make me think. sometimes both. thanks for making me feel so welcome.

B.B.M.T. (brief blog many topics)

i’m thinking, who’s this new person, writing a book with each entry? this Rain person must have some nerve… either overly confident or incredibly self-centered… (probably both – i’m completely self-absorbed every moment of every day…all of the time…never giving thought to others…ever)

met someone a few weeks ago – we’ve been communicating online for a bit (but live only miles apart..go figure). no sparks, but we took dating off the table (too much pressure – sizing someone up in 35 seconds…we’re just getting to know each other instead…however, that changes the dating climate and has the potential to make things difficult…another blog for a different day) i’ve gathered that he’s a slow-starter… but i know i don’t always want to be the one who initiates things, you know? Anyway, we spoke tonight and may play cards tomorrow after work. we’ll see…

had a friend’s mom over for dessert tonight – her daugher and i went to school together years ago… it was really nice. i made chocolate brownies (served warm from the oven) with french vanilla ice cream… she got to see my new house – it was a nice evening after a difficult day.

was in a looooooooooooong inservice training today… it made me angry… because it wasnt’ planned well, it was an inefficient use of our time, and it’s not appropriate for many of my students. and the principal wants us to start using the NEW CURRICULUM on MONDAY…we’re already 3 weeks into school w/ students (…um…we’ve already planned for the next four weeks using the old curriculum…) I’ll write more about this after I wrap my brain around it… i just feel that special education classrooms and special education staff members (teachers and therapists) are there to support the students who have special needs… to support their access to the curriculum.. to help bring them up to grade level… to help give them the skills necessary to learn in as similar a format as their typically-developing peers… and i feel that we (the special ed staff) are being asked to focus our resources on the typically developing student (w/o special needs) and leave our special ed kids behind. it truly feels like the pendulum has swung too far to one side… i’m going to mull it over for a few days, then speak to my department chair (who was not part of today’s training). i’ll keep you posted. (had i written this earlier in the day, i would have used much more strong language… but i think the chocolate browines and talking to my childhood friend’s mom helped… i just needed a great big hug by the time i got home, you know? that’s a bummer sometimes about living by myself – there’s really no one around when i need a big hug… and no one to blame about dirty dishes in the sink)

on that note, it’s time to go scrub the dishes in the sink… that way, it’s like a present to myself in the morning – i wake up, walk into the kitchen, and viola! clean dishes. (it’s all about playing mind games…keeps me entertained.)


this is what i do for a living…i found this cartoonist is rather funny, however i wonder if it’s only entertaining to people who work in the field??! …i welcome your thoughts… click on “next” to see some others…there are about 30 images… one favorite is #13…#15 is pretty good too…and #27…

now it’s time to get back to work! dont’ have the right kind of tool… need to get a screwdriver… i have about 8 of them, but they’re all the wrong size or shape. so now i have to put on more decent clothes so i can go to the dusty hardware store and buy another tool… at least it’s only noon my time :)